Sunday, May 18, 2008
JAYCI DAWN MITCHELL CHINO!
So I have tossed and turned and quite literally made myself a little sick, as to whether or not to post about this! LAst night I ran into one of my dearest and closests friends and she said that her and a friend hopped on my blog and were blog hopping around and her friend started crying at all the cute couples and beautiful children and wondering if she would have the same fate as us happy Bloggers and I told my friend well its not like we would blog about the bad things, we want to post the good times not the fights and how hard our children can be sometimes and how we just cry ourselves to sleep sometimes, and the truth is for me I am probably going thru the hardest time in my life so far.. But its hard because I can't understand for the life of me why? I have an amazing husband who just recently told me "jayci I love you for who you are! I love Jayci! And always will.. And the truth is I am having a hard time finding me, and I miss me, I miss my body, I miss my sleep, I miss some me time. But how can I say that how selfish am I being I have two beautiful Healthy baby girls who love me uncondtionally who give me hugs when I am a blubbering mess, Reese loves me even when its my fault she fell and scraped her knee because I was to lazy of a mother to pick up some laundry and toys and she will just cry in my arms to be comforted when its my fault she fell in the first place. I've never ever been one to belive in depression, I feel that a good run and some fun actvities can just lift your spirits and your WHALA okay! But Post Partum Depression sneaks up on you when you least expect it and when you have no idea what it is its hard to admit you have a problem and need some help, if my babies could talk they would ask you why is mommy crying. And the truth is I feel like such a failure, I can't even get my laundry done or get a clean towel for my husband who amazingly thanks me for getting him a little dish rag to dry off with after the shower! Tomas you are an amazing Husband and I literally would be lost without you my love! I have so much to be thankful for and I have everything to get by and things that I need and I feel bad and I am sure people wonder why I am having a pity party for myself but having another baby has rocked my world for the good and the bad, and I am a Fighter I am, but I am feeling so lost right now and always overcome with emotion and so very tired and wish that I could be a better Mother my family deserves someone they can count on and depend on, not an emotional basketcase, and when I tell people that ya I think I am suffering from Post Partum Depression there answers are Medicne and oh you need help Now before you drown your baby in a bath tub! And that scares the hell out of me! I love my girls and would do anything for them! And I would never hurt them, give reese one to many french fries yes :) but I couldn't be more grateful for Reese and Halle, so why am I feeling this way just plain lost!! BLAH!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
.jpg)
12 comments:
Hey Jayci, this is Erin Pettingill again. I just wanted to tell you thank you for posting something that isn't so positive. Everybody always posts happy things because that really is all you want to remember in life but its nice to know that others are sometimes struggling with the same things. I really struggled after I had my second kid and I'm like you and don't want the typical "take medicine" answer from people. I think alot of what you are going through is what I've been going through and its the losing another part of your own identity because you are busy with another kid. I would cry to john all the time and still do telling him that I'm tired of being the mom, wife, housekeeper, dishwasher, pillow for people to lay on whatever, I just want to be Erin and not feel like I have to please everybody else and take care of everybody else and feel guilty when its not done. I've done exactly what you have and handed john a washcloth to dry off with many times so your not alone. Its hard because I felt guilty feeling that way because I have a great husband and awesome kids but I just wanted to be Erin and figure out who I was again without my husband and kids around me. I'm still struggling with it sometimes but some things that really helped me get through it when it is really hard is trying something new that I've never done before and never thought I would like. I took a cake decorating class just to have something to do and now I've been making wedding cakes and it gives me something that is just for me and no one else. I also just started trying to get out of the house more without the kids and I would just drive around for an hour or so and look for any random store that I had never been into before just to see something different. Another thing that really helped me that is really hard is I tried to completely dejunk my house and get it spotless. I would just ask your husband to take the kids away for a couple of hours and ask some friends over and get your house completely cleaned out, roll up the blinds and get the house under control. I felt the most depressed when my house was a mess because I felt like everything was in control of me instead of me being in control of them. I hope these things help at all. I always thought going to school and working and trying to juggle all of life's demands was so hard but then I finished all of those things and now sit home with my kids all day and being a stay at home mom is harder than anything I've even done before. I wish people would realize how hard it really is to stay home with your little kids and constantly have little people around you needing your attention. Its hard!!
Jayci, #1 you are NOT A FAILURE. You are a great Mom and an amazing person! Everyone goes through their tough times, that's what makes us stronger. I've been there with the post partum depression. It's hard but it will pass, and it always helps to know that you're not alone. CALL ME ANYTIME. I love talking to you. You have such a sweet, spunky personality. And you haven't lost yourself, you're Jayci, just like Tomas says he loves Jayci, well WE DO TOO. The Jayci you were yesterday, the Jayci you are today and the Jayci you'll be tomorrow. Love you girly. Keep your head up.
It's really easy on here to start feeling not-up-to-par from comparing your life to other people's lives (which, like you said, are always positive posts=). I've often thought about throwing in a post about a bad day, but threw the idea out because I'm too prideful. I admire you for putting yourself out there!) Although I don't have kids yet, it's nice to read a reality check on how much it takes to raise them. I know you are not alone as I hear so many moms talk about the same thing. Don't worry about not being Superwoman and not being able to finish all the housework, laundry, cooking, or whatever! Your kids are not going to remember when they tripped over a toy- they're going to remember how much they were loved and all the fun things they did with their family. I have no doubt that you are a "Fighter" and soon this will be a triumph... and then you will be able to help me and give me advice when I have kids and go through the same thing=).
Jayci, it takes alot of courage to admit things aren't "perfect" You are an amazing mother, wife, and friend, who has come so far! One of my mom's favorite quotes is "when life gets to hard to stand... kneel." I often think of that when I am at the end of my rope. Hang in there, and know how much you are loved!!!!
Oh this is why I love you.. YOU ARE SO REAL.. What you see is what you get with Jayci.. I can't imagine having 2 kids right now.. Cleaning up after Mark and doing our laundry is hard enough with my crazy schedule.. Kudos to you my dear.. You are way too FUN be in this funk... I say get fresh air at least once a day.. Take the girls to the park, go on walks, go swimming... I think there is something about sunshine that always makes me happy! Too bad we don't live closer and we could go to the gym together daily at the butt crack of dawn :( I love you woman.. I don't think there is a soul out there who feels they have it all together..Quit beating yourself up.. You are so hard on yourself.. Make a schedule.. Have a routine.. Know that I LOVE YOU and i'm your biggest fan! Keep that chin up Chino.. Brighter days are on their way!!
O Jayci! One of the things I love about you most is your honesty. It is what makes a good person, a good friend, and a good mother. AND that is what you are! I have seen you and you are a great mother who loves her daugters with all she has. Don't forget that I'm only a couple blocks and a phone call away. If you ever need anything don't be afraid to ask! I love you and I know that things will get better. :)
I love you. I'll be over tomorrow night to watch the girls while you go to the gym, say around 6:30??
My mom says HOLA! Call her.
Jayce I love you. I've tried calling you a couple times and it says your number is disconnected and then it was a fax machine....whats going on. I wanna talk to you. I am so sorry you are having a rough go and I wanna help. If Tomas is working friday come play with me:) Brady is out of town and I'm doing a girls night with my mom and Lish...and we would LOVE you to come. We can all go for a walk, eat some yummy food, watch a good chick flick and give you some girl time. Call me. Don't be so hard on yourself...its all the crazy hormones playing tricks on ya.... You are such a cute good mom I promise. CALL ME:)
Hey Jayce, thanks for writing what you wrote, I need to hear it because nobody wants to tell you that stuff right before you have your second baby. But its better to hear now rather than thinking your all alone when your going thru it. I wrote down some things down that I was going thru after I had Sydney, and just happened to read them the other day trying to remember what it was like to have a little baby in the house. I was feeling a lot of the same way, I was so lost because I didn't feel like "me". It wasn't until after I started running and exercising again that I started to feel better again. But a lot of it was learning to accept the new me, because I don't think we are meant to be the same after we have kids. And in a good way. We change and grow up a little every time. And thats okay, but I also know how important it is to remember who we are and to take time to do things that make -you- happy. Good luck! I know you can do it, if it wasn't possible people wouldn't have 5 and 6 kids!
I was happy to get a comment from you on my blog! I love making new blog friends. It's great how you can find people who you have so much in common with. You have a beautiful family!
I'm guilty of posting mostly good stuff too. I don't like to dwell on the bad/negative and I tend to push those memories to the back of my mind and only share the good. Which is good in most ways, but I love an honest post like this. I'm sure there are other blog lurkers/hoppers out there who will read this and have been through or are going through the same thing and will totally relate and your post will help them.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I have a girlfriend who went through the same thing. Her name is Steph--you can click on her blog from mine. She posted a big thing about PPD a few months back. I think you should find it and read it. She's a great person and I know if you ever wanted to leave her a comment she would love to be your friend and understand what you are going through.
Something I did after I had my first baby that helped me a lot with all the stress and blues was hire someone to clean my house. Some people think that a housekeeper is really expensive, but they aren't. And I can't tell you how nice it is as a mother to be able to concentrate on the kids and have more time for yourself while letting someone else scrub the toilets, help with the laundry, etc. Sometimes I feel selfish but I like me time. I believe it's hard to be a good mom if you aren't happy and taking care of yourself. Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself right now. You emotional health is so important right now.
Just don't be leaving your kids in the car on a hot spring day like me. Ha ha!
hey girl, So I guess you found my ppd post. Yes it was hard to write but it helped me and I hope it helped others to. I just feel that people don't talk enough about ppd. At my 6 week dr apt. he asked if I was depressed. I said no. I wasn't depressed as I thought (can't get out of bed, tired, lazy) I was CRAZY! Just like you I thought I had lost myself. I didn't want my daughter and it hurt that i felt that way. I cried one minute, then was fine the next, then in a mad rage the next.
Unfortunately i tried exercise but it didn't help. I got on the lowest dose of zoloft and then i split the pill in half, so it's just a tiny little bit but it makes a wold of difference! I am truly grateful for it even though i didn't want to take it and tried for along time not to take it.
Just think, it is there to help. If you had an other disease (i know it's hard to think of it as a disease but it is) you would treat it with meds right? well this is the same. 6 months of meds could help more then you know. Help you stay level headed, enjoy this precious time with your sweet little baby (that goes by way to fast as you know) and just give you a break from your feelings until everything calms down.
You WILL find yourself again. I promise. You are STILL there. Don't give up.
You have friends and family that will support you, the hardest part is asking but everyone is always willing to serve, just give it a try.
Great advise above about having your girl friends come help clean, i would do it in a heart beat if i lived there and i don't even know you.
keep us posted on how your doing.
good luck.
Jayc I love you. You are too hard on yourself! If you need a baby sitter let me know! Don't beat yourself up!I love you to death girl! Hang in there.
Post a Comment