Tuesday, February 22, 2011

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5 years

I remember about 3 years ago telling Tomas, that in five years we would have it made... We'd be set on our course for life and be in cruising mode. Ha not sure what made me think of that today. But it hit hard enough that I wanted to blog about it, plus finally got the sweet headphones fixed so I can tune out everything. Been vibing to Sia right now and it puts me in a kinda hopeful state of things. This time last year sure was difficult. Tomas was gone, I was gone and it was Halle's 2nd Bday went through the motions of course, she was spoiled and wearing a very pretty pink Dress think I even have a picture of that day. I was up at my parents if I can find it i'll post it.

Tonight I'm just thinking that I don't think I'll ever say in 5 years we will have it made, we'll be on cruise control! I see many many SHARP left and right hand turns that all of a sudden lead me on a completely different path. You may very well be prepared for a waterfall, and come across a dry deseret you've gotta climb. :) is that what makes life exciting, the unknown! Sure we could be in constant fear of the Unknown and change. But I think I just need to be prepared. Be prepared for change and how to handle it with grace and Honor. Wierd words! "thats how she wants to handle her unknown and change! Yup. Grace is something every girl should strive for, finding humanity in all things. And honor! Mostly being honored to be a mother and wife, Take it for granted everyday i'm sure, but seeing it and striving for it helps. My daughter is going to be 5 this year, and I will have been married for 6 years! Me and Tomas have been through hell and back.. The and back is the part I like to focus on. We come back, back to eachother. This past deployment almost took us. The Post Deployment almost took us again! We've been picked up and dropped by family and friends. So far we have raised 2 adorable girls. Who for now see the world as wonderful as a cupcake for breakfast, they see me and Tomas that way as well! I look in Reese's eyes and there is no dissapoinment, searching for flaws. Just pure love and a hug at every turn. I wonder if she knows she saves me sometimes. I cut myself last year on my upper thigh pretty deep. Way dark time for me. Reese will see the scar sometimes and when she does she says " you got hurt there huh mom, is it feeling better, here i'll kiss it better."

I do however hope that in 5 years, I won't have made the same mistakes twice. I'll have grown and with some prayer and luck have a little more grace and honor!

I love you Tomas. six years...almost
I love you Reese
I love you Halle Happy Bday... almost

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I hate that petty, childish part of me that just wants to Stick To You!
I want to throw this person into the mud and into the light for who they really are. Ugghhh, jayci be the bigger person, be the bigger person! Don't go spreading shit (even if its true) create drama! But Freak I want to so so bad! Please someone help knock some sense into me about just letting things go! Dont hang on to things that don't matter! Yes yes I know.... But that Stick it to you! Is so strong! I mean i'm obvioulsy just venting or I would share everything right here right now! And I'm not, just needed to get that off my chest!