BLAHHHH

So this evening I was cleaning up dinner and Tomas brought home Chicken Fingers from work... (which by the way are so good) and anyways, of course I eat fries and Chicken Fingers with Ketchup and I always Squirt to much out of the bottle and tons goes to waste and I tell myself "JAYCI STOP WASTING ALL THIS KETCHUP, THEN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY LEFT WHEN YOU REALLY WANT IT" and I started crying at the sink watching the ketchup go down the drain!!!!!!!
I am not handling this well at all! Try as I may! And lately I feel that with Tomas I am giving him things just so I can take them away from him, maybe hurt him somehow! I am not sure why this is happening... I've become incredibly selfish with making sure my needs are met and things go smoothly for me! I am losing it a tad! And The one I should be holding on too, is the one I am pushing away and I can't figure it out!

FREAK I LOVE TOMAS!!!! OKAY I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT!!! I AM IN LOVE WITH EVERY PART OF THAT BOY!

But here I am pushing THAT BOY to his breaking point! WHY! WHY! WHY!

I tell myself "BE HAPPY" I have lots of good things going look for the positive but I can't sometimes.

Its been a roller coaster lately so happy, connect with him in every way possible.
And then the next day its Hell for both of us.

Blah I can't seem to get it together sometimes.....

Meh!

HALF MY HEART IS GOING TO AFGHANISTAN!

Part of me has known this was going to happen to us one more time, but the longer the army delayed and delayed and all the high alerts, and then NOTHING. Kinda messed with my head... I really got in there that he wouldn't be going. But on Saturday they dropped the Bomb! He has got his orders and will be deploying, the date isn't final so it could change but only by a few weeks! 18 MONTH TOUR!!

Now I keep telling myself Jayce don't have a pity party for yourself, look for the good and get a support system! But its so hard, I know those long days are coming around 5:00 and then hearing the keys jingle on the door and then Tomas is home and that wave of, not sure if I can describe it but all you wives and mothers know exactly what I am talking about!! That is not going to be there for over a year and a half!!! So many people have done this and with more on there plate than me! But there not me, and I am scared too death to take care of the girls all by myself!! I don't like being alone!

Tomas is having a hard time leaving this time too, mostly because of Reese and Halle, when he starts talking about not being able too see them everyday tears come to the eyes and we have too change the subject! He gets so worried they will forget about him! I'm like Tomas they know exactly who you are! Luckily Technology has come a long ways. He can send them video from you tube every night telling them good night and we have the web cam and the girls will be able to communicate and see there dad!!

Now another thing... I KNOW I KNOW I SAID I WOULD NEVER DO THIS!!! And I haven't completly decided, but I am not sure if I want the whole world wide web knowing certain things, but this blog is my journal! So going PRIVATE is the logical thing too do! And believe me I hate it, but the last thing I need is people knowing that my husband is leaving and me and the girls will be alone! So really even if I don't know you send me your email!!! And my plans of what I am going to be doing and going!! BLAH THIS REALLY SUCKS!!! Love you all! Thanks already for the support I know I will be getting, and for your prayers and caring thoughts and comments!

HEY GUYS!!! ; )

So long time no post! Few things happening down here in SlC! And a some Highlates of Late!!!


I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At Flemings Restaurant! I am so excited, I am just starting out as a host and hopefully move into being a server and make the big bucks!

Tomas went to this dinner benefit at the Grand America for the Olive Garden with his Director and he ate with Governor Huntsman, I was like so what did you talk about lol, he is all " I invited them over to dinner!!! LOL!!!!

Anyways we've been enjoying the wonderful weather and Salt lake in the Spring!!




It was Robbie's birthday and she is really into road biking now, Got a lot of biking stuff! And then we went up again and had Rice Bowls for lunch and relaxed together!







After Lunch I stopped by to visit little Jake, he has changed so much! His hair, I love the red hair babies...

Cutie little Nixon, love the Red hair!


And then me and Kristina did a little house pick up and went and got some Jamba's!

And last night Me and Jules went at Midnight and bought Twilight!!! I am excited to see some New Moon stuff come out!

But things are good at the Chino Homefront!!! Well most of the time! FOR THE LOVE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

HELL FREE GORDAN DOG!!!
Swoop I am literally going to have to kill you myself this morning and enjoy it!!
Oh buy a Dog Kennel you say, 300 SMACKAROOS!! "YA IN YOUR BRA" If I can afford to buy a doggie kennel for that much, you better believe its going to spent elsewhere! Pets Mart I am going to kill you as well! "GD wading pool" CRISIS AT THE CHINOS GUYS!! FOR THE FREAKING LOVE! ANIMALS SHMANIMALS!!!!






Oh and Ps here is what happens if I get really mad!!! LOl



Ya so sad little sweet Halle ate it in the tub yesterday under the watchful eye of both her parents! We can kiss parents of the year BYE BYE! lol And the winners I'd like to meet then and ask what kind of prescription of Zanex they are on and what milligrams!

Ya guys I am on one this morning!!! Just that damn damn damn dog!!!

And you know what lets just throw "T" out as well! "YA WELL HE GETS THE OTHER ONE ALL RILED UP"


But to make this post end happily! "HERE IS ONE FOR THE GRANDPARENTS!!! ;)


Son of a Bitchin dog!! lol (sorry couldn't help it) I can't yell it out at the moment!!

TOOTHBRUSH!!!!

So anyone who knows me and Tomas knows how we have almost the exact personality's...
Red to the T!!! We are almost always right ;) and sometimes instead of listening we just can't wait to one up the other with another comment!! We have learned alot in our 4 years of marriage, but still have our hold ups and I think we always will, the key is trying to make the other happy, make each other right instead of wrong!!! Step back and see things the way they see things! Of course easier said then done! But I've said it before I married a Great Man, who last night said "Jayci, I will do anything to make you happy whatever I need to do I will do it!" I am a tough cookie, not the easiest person to love! But somehow in all the craziness I found someone who gets me and loves me for me! And that makes me love him more than I ever thought I could love someone!!! Life is so hard at times and having your spouse to lean on is one of the greatest things this life has too offer!!!! I was putting our toothbrushes away today, Reese always seems to find her's and Halle's and plays with them, I went and put them away and Tomas's toothbrush was no where to be found and I put the toothbrushes away and I was staring at them, mine and the girls without Tomas's toothbrush with ours and in that moment I was touched, I can't really explain it, just kinda hit me, How much I love Tomas!!! And how I always want his Toothbrush next too mine! I know this is a weird thing to blog about but I want to always remember that moment! Standing in my bathroom staring at a empty toothbrush holder and feeling a warmth underneath everything that love is a powerful thing!!! Thats all :) Night