Swear on our Dovvve!!

You know those situations where, you find yourself surrounded by lots of people but yet you feel somewhat all alone, no real connection with anyone! I mean they have to see it in my eyes, that what i'm looking at isn't at all what I'm seeing or feeling! Just that lost dazed look! I feel I wear that alot these days!

It brings me back to swimming! Haven't swam in a long long time! Quick thought how something can just consume your life and as life moves on it simply fades!!! Anyways, I swam distance races, which means, I had to control my pace, start out strong and get in a good groove, but with each lap try too gain more speed and maintain that speed! I feel with this Deployment I'm on my last two laps! They put numbers in the water so you can see what lap your on, and when you make hit that last two lengths, bells go off that you can hear, and when you turn instead of a number there is a bright red square!!! And You give it all you have, even when there is no more, you've been numb to the pain because you've been at that pace for awhile, and then BAM time to dig deep and give it your all!!!

I'm there!!! With this deployment! I'm on my last two laps and I'm so so tired, but I've just got to dig deep and find the strength to preform better and more brillant than I even started! Because if you don't you might not finish where you would like!!! And me and Tomas really have been going for Gold! These past few weeks, we have both felt so so drained, yet continue to give each other strength, and love, share memories, laugh together, cry together! But man we are so exhausted! But Tomas is so good at being that bright red square for me!!! The JAYCI KICK IN GEAR GIRL YOU WANT TO WIN THIS RACE, AND YOU WANT BE PROUD OF THE RACE YOU JUST FINISHED!!

Tomas has had it so much harder than I have, and yet he is still there for me, cheering me up, leaving me texts, sweet notes on facebook! And then a post like that just gives me such motivation! He is part of me and I him. And there literally have been some days where I Think his soul is in me pushing me along! The girls have his eyes and his zest for life! His playfulness, and his comfort! To not be able to hold and touch what you created has been one of Tomas's biggest challenges and he still has a bright smile, or song to sing to them!

I'm sorry Tomas for my mistakes and my selfish nature!

But i'm not sorry at how they show me what I have. And how lucky I am to have a Good Man on my arm! I'm not going to say I don't deserve you because I think you were made just for me! Your body was made to fit mine perfectly! To finish my sentences, to kiss the tears, to share my bed, use my 30 dollar shampoo ;), to finish cleaning the dishes!

Tomas I could die right now! Lighting could come down and strike me dead! And all I can do is smile! Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face to wake me up and realize what I have! Your my religion Tomas! I couldn't and wouldn't be the Women I am today, the mother I am today, the wife without you! Everyday I wake up I choose you!!! And Every night I go to sleep your my dreams! Your my Fairytale! We will always have our stumbles but this deployment has proven our love and commitment that I would never trade!

I'm so excited when we get back into the swing of life, that we will have these memories of what it could be like! And be grateful to be able to hug eachother, smell, taste, hear, feel! Things that I took for granted will not happen! I have real life experiences to remind me of my mind blowing, crazy almost love for you!

Oh I crave the Peace of laying in bed and hearing you get in the shower and open cupboards, hear you eat, laugh! And know your only secs away if I want too suddenly hold you!

I believe in you Tomas, in our future that won't just be about laundry and soccer practice and sub divisions and minivans! I want to make you a better person, I want to be a example! I want to love another child into this world! (in time teheee) I want to stimulate your mind and your body! I want to give and I want to get! And I want it all in You!

It may sound woo woo hoo hah but I can feel the growth in us Tomas!

I love our Spark!

I love whatever it is about you that lets me be me or more to the point, whatever it is about you that makes me be a better me!

I imagine the time in the shower in our little house in North Ogden, I opened my eyes and the color of your eyes somehow green yet bright blue just staring right into my soul, and your eyelashes were so long and stuck togther, and I felt how beautiful I was from your eyes!!!

Tomas I love you! And I can't wait till this Race is over, and we can look back and from that go more forward!!!

Reese and Halle love yo so so much! I love that art piece I bought instead of paying the gas bill! ;)
MY PRINCE HAS COME.... HIS NAME IS DADDY!

All my love Tomas in this life and beyond!!!!! J