THE CHINO'S YA'LL

Heart of the Matter with Shawn McCraney

2011-08-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

Listen to jayci chinos playlist

2011-02-22T23:00:00.001-08:00

5 years

2011-02-22T22:26:00.000-08:00

I remember about 3 years ago telling Tomas, that in five years we would have it made... We'd be set on our course for life and be in cruising mode. Ha not sure what made me think of that today. But it hit hard enough that I wanted to blog about it, plus finally got the sweet headphones fixed so I can tune out everything. Been vibing to Sia right now and it puts me in a kinda hopeful state of things. This time last year sure was difficult. Tomas was gone, I was gone and it was Halle's 2nd Bday went through the motions of course, she was spoiled and wearing a very pretty pink Dress think I even have a picture of that day. I was up at my parents if I can find it i'll post it.

Tonight I'm just thinking that I don't think I'll ever say in 5 years we will have it made, we'll be on cruise control! I see many many SHARP left and right hand turns that all of a sudden lead me on a completely different path. You may very well be prepared for a waterfall, and come across a dry deseret you've gotta climb. :) is that what makes life exciting, the unknown! Sure we could be in constant fear of the Unknown and change. But I think I just need to be prepared. Be prepared for change and how to handle it with grace and Honor. Wierd words! "thats how she wants to handle her unknown and change! Yup. Grace is something every girl should strive for, finding humanity in all things. And honor! Mostly being honored to be a mother and wife, Take it for granted everyday i'm sure, but seeing it and striving for it helps. My daughter is going to be 5 this year, and I will have been married for 6 years! Me and Tomas have been through hell and back.. The and back is the part I like to focus on. We come back, back to eachother. This past deployment almost took us. The Post Deployment almost took us again! We've been picked up and dropped by family and friends. So far we have raised 2 adorable girls. Who for now see the world as wonderful as a cupcake for breakfast, they see me and Tomas that way as well! I look in Reese's eyes and there is no dissapoinment, searching for flaws. Just pure love and a hug at every turn. I wonder if she knows she saves me sometimes. I cut myself last year on my upper thigh pretty deep. Way dark time for me. Reese will see the scar sometimes and when she does she says " you got hurt there huh mom, is it feeling better, here i'll kiss it better."

I do however hope that in 5 years, I won't have made the same mistakes twice. I'll have grown and with some prayer and luck have a little more grace and honor!

I love you Tomas. six years...almost
I love you Reese
I love you Halle Happy Bday... almost

2011-01-05T16:59:00.000-08:00

I hate that petty, childish part of me that just wants to Stick To You!
I want to throw this person into the mud and into the light for who they really are. Ugghhh, jayci be the bigger person, be the bigger person! Don't go spreading shit (even if its true) create drama! But Freak I want to so so bad! Please someone help knock some sense into me about just letting things go! Dont hang on to things that don't matter! Yes yes I know.... But that Stick it to you! Is so strong! I mean i'm obvioulsy just venting or I would share everything right here right now! And I'm not, just needed to get that off my chest!

2010-06-23T17:47:00.001-07:00

I was wondering when this night would come that I would be able to write some of my thoughts and experiences on my blog, and still not sure if I am ready. But when the song gets inside me like tonight and I feel I can really let some things out!

I share..

If your reading this you really need to get in the right frame of mind to Read it! These are my most intimate thoughts, feelings not bullshit, completely Raw and Finally Real! ( Not lying to myself what I you use to think real was, which to me Was real back then).

"Why are you posting this on the world wide web then?" "Those who don't know me what do they care, so why would I care, those that do know me, like them to understand this new me if there still reading this, and if someone keeps fighting because of reading this then my darkest skeletons are worth it!"

I'm not sure when it went dark for me. Honestly I've been in the shadows for awhile but could still see. But when you can see even in the dimmest light your mind and your heart comprehends and believes that your in the light!

Basically I still made it through life, I had Friends, was a great athelete, had family that cared, supported and provided for me. Belonged to a relgion with solid good values. I made people laugh, kissed boys and got jobs. I could see certain dangers, avoid darker areas. But not being able to see clearly I made up my own world in front of me, sure real things happened to me because I could see just enough to be able to get through life, saw the same things others saw, and then imagined, lied, conived my way through the rest!

But lies are funny, they stop becoming lies they become real! You start to believe them, feeling them, I could literally create in my mind a broken arm, be able to show you where, what kind of break, how it happened, when it happened. What doctor took care of me, color of my cast, and the scar! Why does that happen because I've told the lie so so many times I believe it now, just as sure as I believe that the sky is blue.

If I tell myself I am a good, honest person, a fun outgoing, always has a story for everything. ( Guys that know me, think back did I not always always have a story for EVERYTHING?)

then I am. Even if I am hurting people around me I get to make up whats right in front of me! "Jayci, here is a million dollars I want to give you!" "No, thats not a million dollars, I get to make what I want to see, and if I don't see it, ITS NOT THERE!" So "Jayci, I love you I only want to help, BULLSHIT! "Jayci, thats probably not the right thing to do, telling you this because I care" BULLSHIT!

Did I really just throw my Family, friends, people I don't even know off that bridge, watching them lying there bleeding, People saw me do it, and told me "wow jayci you just Threw her or him right over.

And in my eyesite, I sure as hell didn't! I just pushed them, they didn't even fall down.

Now let me jump ahead for you, while I was in rehab I stepped out of the shadows, and saw myself and my life clearly, All of a sudden I wasn't able to make my own scenes of my life, I saw the cold hard truth!

1. Jayci was worth a damn! I deserved to see my life clearly.

2. The destruction! I couldn't even blink had to look at it, straight at it!

( I've never been emotionally exhausted, meaning your simply sitting in a chair not even moving and you cant sit up anymore, that day after seeing an honest life, a Real life was the most heart wrenching, knock out, freakin unreal grace of God experince of my life) more shattering then finding the love of my life, more shattering then bringing life into this life! It was God, It was me, walking over to this sweet beautiful girl picking her up, wiping her tears, showing her she wasn't lost, showing her the way, looking to her side and seeing a man, husband, who fits her in every way the strength of his heart, the warmth in his eyes, seeing the cuts and bruises from trying to lead her the right way, or look day after day for where she had gone. Looking down to her feet, and seeing to miracles with eyes just like hers, little hands reaching for an embrace only a mother can give, complete forgiveness and trust. Hearing 'I love you Mommy', "lets go build sandcasltes and be princesses" seeing when there little hands and feet were blue from the cold, the scum and dirt from not getting baths, so "mommy could go buy drugs" and couldn't afford the gas bill!

3. A happiness I have never known. A compassion I have never felt, A Regret, A Peace and a Rock hard hope that will never ever Fade, break, or drown!

God found me, God gave me the strength to turn my life over to him, when the shadows come I take his hand and let him lead me, don't try and go my own way! Spirituality is such a simple thing, Its made me be able to live in Harmony with the way things are, to never shut the door on my past let it serve me in my happiness of today! My attitude is the only thing I can control, if should react

JAYCI READ THIS!!!

2010-03-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have to type this stuff down so I don't forget! And when Tomas comes back and we fall into the routine of husband and wife, and family life! I don't want to forget these things!!!
1. Jayci.. when tomas gets home GO to him and hug him, be glad he is home let him see it in my eyes.
2. When he got back from that 4 day mission and we finally got to talk on the phone, and I knew he was back at his base! I felt Butterfly's. We were both laughing we were so embarrassed by how good it was t hear eachother!
3. Good Friends! Oh thank you so much for your calls! Sometimes to be able to cry it out to someone helps so much! they took time out of there busy busy life to make sure I was okay!
4. That even though Tomas is all together to good for me! ( I don't say this out of pity or wanting it) its just the fact! As a human being Tomas is better than I! But He chooses me! And from that I draw power to be better!
5. Got out my car today! In a parking lot. And just Screamed! Banged my hands on the hood! and let it all out! Took some deep breathes and got back in the car! Reese looked at me like I was nuts! But sometimes its not good to keep it all in! Next time that urge comes! DO IT JAYCI just let it out! You will feel better!

Swear on our Dovvve!!

2010-03-24T20:44:00.001-07:00

You know those situations where, you find yourself surrounded by lots of people but yet you feel somewhat all alone, no real connection with anyone! I mean they have to see it in my eyes, that what i'm looking at isn't at all what I'm seeing or feeling! Just that lost dazed look! I feel I wear that alot these days!

It brings me back to swimming! Haven't swam in a long long time! Quick thought how something can just consume your life and as life moves on it simply fades!!! Anyways, I swam distance races, which means, I had to control my pace, start out strong and get in a good groove, but with each lap try too gain more speed and maintain that speed! I feel with this Deployment I'm on my last two laps! They put numbers in the water so you can see what lap your on, and when you make hit that last two lengths, bells go off that you can hear, and when you turn instead of a number there is a bright red square!!! And You give it all you have, even when there is no more, you've been numb to the pain because you've been at that pace for awhile, and then BAM time to dig deep and give it your all!!!

I'm there!!! With this deployment! I'm on my last two laps and I'm so so tired, but I've just got to dig deep and find the strength to preform better and more brillant than I even started! Because if you don't you might not finish where you would like!!! And me and Tomas really have been going for Gold! These past few weeks, we have both felt so so drained, yet continue to give each other strength, and love, share memories, laugh together, cry together! But man we are so exhausted! But Tomas is so good at being that bright red square for me!!! The JAYCI KICK IN GEAR GIRL YOU WANT TO WIN THIS RACE, AND YOU WANT BE PROUD OF THE RACE YOU JUST FINISHED!!

Tomas has had it so much harder than I have, and yet he is still there for me, cheering me up, leaving me texts, sweet notes on facebook! And then a post like that just gives me such motivation! He is part of me and I him. And there literally have been some days where I Think his soul is in me pushing me along! The girls have his eyes and his zest for life! His playfulness, and his comfort! To not be able to hold and touch what you created has been one of Tomas's biggest challenges and he still has a bright smile, or song to sing to them!

I'm sorry Tomas for my mistakes and my selfish nature!

But i'm not sorry at how they show me what I have. And how lucky I am to have a Good Man on my arm! I'm not going to say I don't deserve you because I think you were made just for me! Your body was made to fit mine perfectly! To finish my sentences, to kiss the tears, to share my bed, use my 30 dollar shampoo ;), to finish cleaning the dishes!

Tomas I could die right now! Lighting could come down and strike me dead! And all I can do is smile! Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face to wake me up and realize what I have! Your my religion Tomas! I couldn't and wouldn't be the Women I am today, the mother I am today, the wife without you! Everyday I wake up I choose you!!! And Every night I go to sleep your my dreams! Your my Fairytale! We will always have our stumbles but this deployment has proven our love and commitment that I would never trade!

I'm so excited when we get back into the swing of life, that we will have these memories of what it could be like! And be grateful to be able to hug eachother, smell, taste, hear, feel! Things that I took for granted will not happen! I have real life experiences to remind me of my mind blowing, crazy almost love for you!

Oh I crave the Peace of laying in bed and hearing you get in the shower and open cupboards, hear you eat, laugh! And know your only secs away if I want too suddenly hold you!

I believe in you Tomas, in our future that won't just be about laundry and soccer practice and sub divisions and minivans! I want to make you a better person, I want to be a example! I want to love another child into this world! (in time teheee) I want to stimulate your mind and your body! I want to give and I want to get! And I want it all in You!

It may sound woo woo hoo hah but I can feel the growth in us Tomas!

I love our Spark!

I love whatever it is about you that lets me be me or more to the point, whatever it is about you that makes me be a better me!

I imagine the time in the shower in our little house in North Ogden, I opened my eyes and the color of your eyes somehow green yet bright blue just staring right into my soul, and your eyelashes were so long and stuck togther, and I felt how beautiful I was from your eyes!!!

Tomas I love you! And I can't wait till this Race is over, and we can look back and from that go more forward!!!

Reese and Halle love yo so so much! I love that art piece I bought instead of paying the gas bill! ;)
MY PRINCE HAS COME.... HIS NAME IS DADDY!

All my love Tomas in this life and beyond!!!!! J

I miss her so much..

2010-03-23T06:04:00.000-07:00

So this is Tomas. I just needed to write a post for my wife. I want everybody to know how much I love and miss Jayci every min of every day. I knew I loved Jayci from the moment I saw her walk into Denney's I was in the middle of being dumped bye my girlfriend of almost for years and was pretty broken. I was hanging out with my buddy Jared and he said hey lets hang out with this girl Jayci. I wasn't really in the mood but went anyways. So we are there drinking water and here comes this girl beautiful smile that caught my eye right off the bat. I remember what she was wearing, how could I forget? Right off the bat we became best friend. I knew deep down I wanted more then that. So we all hung out for a month almost every day when out of the blue she said I am moving to Hawaii I was a little hurt but I fingered she is just not the one for me. Wile she was gone we still talked on the phone all the time and i decided i need to get away do something good and something for me. In a matter of two days without telling anybody I joined the army. Two days before i left i was working at blockbuster and Jared said hey I am going to stop bye i have some thing for you. He pulled up came in the store and walked with me trying to get me to look at him when out of the corner of my eye i saw a girl walk in with this volcom hat She smiled and right whin I saw that beautiful smile my heart stoped. I knew who it was. I ran over to her gave her the biggest hug and asked her if i could give her a ride home. On the way to B.F.E. aka honeyville She said something i wont ever forget " hey look what channa wrote" I read her text and it said. Are you going to kiss him? Once again My heart stoped because I have wanted to kiss this girl from day one. I pulled in her drive way and went in for the kill. And there was something in my way. It was her hat even though it look so cute on her I had to rip it off and throw it in the back of my truck. It was a day i will never forget. The next day I left for boot camp and I was at the office to leave and who showed up Jayci with that Beautiful smile and guess what? Yep my heat stopped again. That is a little bit of our story. I just want every one to know that My heart Skipp's a beat when I am around her. That she is my world and I am the man and father I am today because I have her in my life. Jayci has my Heart and will for now and forever.. I love you Jayci Dawn Chino You will be in my arms in only three short months. And yes my heart will stop or skip a beat when I get off that plain and see her standing there... This past year has been filled with tears, Tears of sadness, tears of happiness, tears of love, and soon the best tears yet. Tears of a reunion. That we know we will never be apart and if we are that we have each other to lean on. See you soon Baby.

LOVE TOMAS..

I'm miles from where you are

2010-01-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

Since I've got Facebook, I feel like I'm neglecting my blog! And its funny because the only time I want to write is when I hear a song that I want to write about!
This song is pretty self explanatory! Bottom line I miss Tomas so bad sometimes I can't breathe! I want him here more than anything, feel his weight on me! His soft nuzzles and warm smiles! There isn't much I wouldn't do if someone said you can see him right now! Like I said before ever since we talked on New years that magic is still with us! Every time we talk we are cracking up about our beautiful girls, funny movie quotes! And we both know how much we love each other,it probably takes six or seven I love yous to hang up! Next year at this time, I'm going to come back and read these posts and remember how strong me and Tomas are! How determined we are to be happy and have passion in our relationship! To always want to take care of the other! As much as I envy other couples that are together! I pity them as well that they don't get an opportunity to grow and the things you learn by having your other half sent to war!

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths Jobby that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have traveled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

WELCOME TO FLEMINGS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-01T19:37:00.000-08:00

So I had to work this New years, And I was okay with that, since the one I wanted to kiss when the bells rang in the new year is out of town!! But we were so busy and the people that came in were in great fun party moods! The girls spent the night with my mom, and have a huge party!! lol, my girls partied harder than there mom and dad this year! I got off at like 11, went to Betos and got there plain tortillas, Love them, and then went home and called Tomas! I have to write about that conversation last night, it was just magical, amazing! We talked about life and the previous new years. And just making each other laugh! Talking about girls and how special they are! And how nuts they can be! Talked about our goals! Our future... We gave each other strength to get through the rest of this deployment!Talked about how much we miss sex, well not just "talked" lol! We just enjoyed being together, even just through the phone! He wished me sweet dreams and that's how my new year began! Its been a crazy decade! I graduated ,moved to Hawaii, got married, had two girls! And I'm excited for the next one!!!!!!!!!!!! Farewell 2009!

3

2009-12-28T20:09:00.000-08:00

Sorry my posts have been all about music but I'm missing Tomas so much and Can't read anymore!!! I love finding new bands, and then I go through and listen to almost every damn song. The mountain goats what the hell kind of name is that!?! But these songs just hit me hard, the lyrics, his voice! But I'm going to explain how I feel these songs touch me!!!

Here we go!

Game shows that touch our lives
The Mountain Goats...

"Dug up a fifth of Hood River gin
That stuff tastes like medicine
But I'll take it
It'll do

On the couch in the living room all day long
Music on the television playing our song
And I'm in the mood
The mood for you

Turn the volume up real high
All of that money look at it fly
And you smoking like a chimney
Shadows crawled across the living room's length
I held onto you with a desperate strength
With everything with everything in me
And I handed you a drink of the lovely little thing
On which our survival depends
People say friends don't destroy one another
What do they know about friends?

Thunderclouds forming cream white moon
Everything's going to be okay soon
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe the next day

Carried you up the stairs that night
All of this could be yours if the price is right
I heard cars headed down to oblivion
Up on the expressway
Your drunken kisses as light as the air
Maybe everything that falls down eventually rises
Our house sinking into disrepair
Ah but look at this showroom filled with fabulous prizes"

I love this song because it reminds me of when we had Halle, and we were both so exhausted from lack of sleep, And for that 1st week we woke up and watched tv almost all day! Just cuddling on the couch and we couldn't even see the floor it was that messy!
"I held onto you with a desperate strength
With everything with everything in me"

I love this line!! Most of us are holding on with everything in us!

"Everything's going to be okay soon
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe the next day"

This line is the attitude I try and have with being gone! Tomas is so strong, HE WILL MAKE IT HOME! Back to my arms!!!!

"Our house sinking into disrepair
Ah but look at this showroom filled with fabulous prizes"

I think this is super profound! You may have a big beautiful home, with nice appliances, soft carpets and amazing furniture! But with alot of people I think its Bull shit!
We fill our homes with fabulous prizes, but if your not happy those prizes mean nothing!!!

NO CHILDREN!
The Mountain Goats
I hope that our few remaining friends
Give up on trying to save us
I hope we come up with a failsafe plot
To piss of the dumb few that forgave us
I hope the fences we mended
Fall down beneath their own weight
And I hope we hang on past the last exit
I hope it's already too late
And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
Someday burns down
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
And I never come back to this town again
In my life
I hope I lie
And tell everyone you were a good wife THIS IS WHERE THE TEARS STARTED! LOL BECAUSE I KNOW TOMAS WILL ALWAYS TELL PEOPLE THAT I WAS A GOOD WIFE, AND MOTHER! EVEN IF IT IS A LIE! UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

I hope I cut myself shaving tommorow
I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it's darkest befor the sun rises
We're pretty sure they're all wrong
I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst is'nt over
I hope you blink before I do
And I hope I never get sober
And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can't find one good thing to say
And I hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You'd stay the hell out of my way
I am drowning
There is no sign of land
Your are coming down with me I HOPE ITS UP! BUT NO MATTER WHAT IT'LL BE HAND IN HAND
Hand in unloveable hand
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

Okay that song is pretty dark, Bottom line Marriage is tough! You know those days when all your doing is fighting and trying to up the other! And you contemplate are you happy? is this the life you chose? Do you want out? Probably one of the hardest times in our married lives was when we had just had reese and we were so so broke! Tomas would leave before 8 and sometimes get home by 8 or 9, I was lonely and depressed, tomas didn't like were he was at in his life, trying to decide how to juggle school work, his family! We were hiding certain things in our lives to people! IT felt like the world was crumbling around us and we were just helpless! This song reminds me of the self pity I was allowing myself to feel! I literally wanted to be carried far far away! I really love the ending of this song, only because I interpret that no matter what, that whether me and Tomas are going down together, or Up together!! I'll never let him go! And he won't let me go! Sometimes remembering the bad makes the now that much more sweeter! And thats how this song hit me! I wouldn't trade places with the us back then for the us now, even with tomas a million miles away right now!

SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN!
Brand New

Back in school they never taught us
What we needed to know
Like how to deal with despair
Or someone breakin your heart
For twelve years I've held it all together
But a night like this is just beggin to pull me apart LOVE LOVE THIS LINE!!
I played it quiet left you deep in conversation
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen
I remember I kept thinking
That I know you never would
And now I know I want to kill you
Like only a best friend could

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...

As if it happening wasn't enough
I got to go and write a song
Just to remind myself how bad it sucked
Ignore the sun, covers over my head
Wrote a message on my pillow that says
"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"
Don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!)
Search your cell for something which to hang yourself MY CELL PRETTY MUCH HUNG ME
They say you need to pray
If you want to go to heaven
But they don't tell you what to say
When your whole life is going to Hell!

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
Everyone's caught on to
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
(and I can't let you let me down again)

So is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids THIS PERSON WOULDN'T HAVE OWNED UP TO ANYTHING..
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
Then again when your head goes through the windshield

Is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
So let's end this call and end this conversation
And is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
When you say "best friends" means friends forever

Is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
Then again when your head goes through the windshield

(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...
(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...

I've loved this song heard it several million times ;) but a while back I was driving and crying, Reese had just finished her tae kwon do class and we were driving home, but that song came on the radio so instead I just kept on driving, I grabbed my cd case and found that song and put it on repeat! At first I just focused the song on a certain person and was like yes, exactly! Damn this song got it right!!! At this point I hadn't really taken full responsibility for my actions and was just pissed off at everything!!! Alot of Whys, why me, Why didn't I do things different, why am I all alone dealing with this! And just Blaming this person! But that drive changed alot of things. I found myself driving to the one I had hurts work, The girls were asleep and I sat there for over an hour, Crying and trying to think of the best possible most sincere apology that I could muster! I said it allowed over and over, but I couldn't get out of the car! I watched the person I had hurt just get in there car and drive away! I still regret not getting out of my car! on the way home the song I felt was about me, that I had no spine, no guts, and people were probably hoping I'd go through a windsheild. Because the next day all hell broke loose! Phone calls and Emails and Texting, I felt like an animal shoved in a corner! And my reaction was to fight! And in the end lost everyone! But whenever I hear this song I can't help but think this is what he deserves!!! I'm proud of myself for speaking up!! But I kinda hate myself for speaking up!!! I may only be able to tpye it or think it. Right now! But I honestly am so broken and sorry for the part I Played! If I get up to heaven and god lets me look down and change some things, This would be right up front!

Anyways Sorry these are all kinda downer songs! Happy ones just don't hit that spot as hard! But they all three brought up feelings that I needed to deal with, and my blog is where it falls!

LYRIC OVERLOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-17T15:58:00.000-08:00

HEAVENLY DAY

Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away
Got no trouble today with anyone
The smile on your face I live only to see
It's enough for me, baby, it's enough for me
Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

Tomorrow may rain with sorrow
Here's a little time we can borrow
Forget all our troubles in these moments so few
All we've got right now, the only thing that
All we really have to do
Is have ourselves a heavenly day
Lay here and watch the trees sway
Oh, can't see no other way, no way, no way
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

No one at my shoulder bringing me fears
Got no clouds up above me bringing me tears
Got nothing to tell you, I've got nothing much to say
Only I'm glad to be here with you
On this heavenly, heavenly, heavenly, heavenly
Heavenly day, all the trouble's gone away
Oh, for a while anyway, for a while anyway
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ah ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh

You gotta leave me now
You gotta go along
You gotta chase a dream
One that's all your own
Before it slips away

When you're flying high
Take my heart along
I'll be the harmony
To every lonely song
But you'll learn to play

When you're soaring through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

I keep looking up
Waiting your return
My greatest fear will be
That you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire

I'll be the other hand
That always holds a line
Connecting in between
Your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire

And I'll be on the other end
To hear you when you call
Angel you were born to fly
And if you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
Catch you when you fall

The memories, the sunshine
Every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel let me help you with your wings

When you're soaring through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down

Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

You me and the Bourgeisie

Here I am with all the pleasures of the first world
Laid out before me who am I to breakdown?

Everyday I wake up,
to fall apart
I choose love
I choose light
And I try, it's too easy just
Oh my baby don't be so distressed
Were done with politesse
It's time to be so brutally honest about
The way we know we long for something fine
When we pine for higher ceilings
And bourgeois happy feelings

And here we are in the center of the first world
It's laid out before us, who are we to break down?

Everyday we wake up
We choose love
We choose light
And we try, it's too easy just to fall apart

Plastic bottles
Imported water
Cars we drive wherever we want to
Clothes we buy it's sweatshop labor
Drugs from corporate enablers
We're not living the good life
'Cause we're fighting the good fight
You and me just trying to get it right

In the center of the first world
It's laid out before us, who are we to break down?

Everyday we wake up
We choose Love
We choose light
And we try, it's too easy just to fall apart

Love can free us from all excess
From our deepest debts
Cause when our hearts are full we need much less

Yea I know we long for something fine
When we pine for higher ceilings
And bourgeois happy feelings

But here we are in the center of the first world
It's laid out before us, who are we to break down?

Here we are in the center of the first world
It's laid out before us, who are we to break down?

Everyday we wake up
We choose love
We choose light
And we try, it's too easy just to fall apart

Everyday we wake up
We choose love
We choose light
And we try, it's too easy just to fall apart

PART ONE
The bottom the earth i have to fall
But you really caught me
You really caught me, dear
At the bottom where I'd fallen.

And slowly dear ask that you dance with me
Here with the shades down
Lights off

When i didn't know you
And everything i do
Done badly

Now I'll love you always
Even when i say
You distract me.

And sit out tonight in some strange place
If we have no friends here
Well i had a few to begin with

To wake next to you in the morning
And good morning to you.
How do you do?
Hey, good morning to you!
More covers for you.
Sleep soundly dear cause i have to go.

And I'll love you always.
When we leave this place
And drive back to Carolina
And down to Savannah and
Stay

GUESS THATS WHY THEY CALL ME THE BLUES!

Don't wish it away
Don't look at it like it's forever
Between you and me I can honestly say
That things will only get better

And while I'm away
Dust out the demons inside
And it won't be long before you and me run
To the place in our hearts where we hide

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands should be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Just stare into space
Picture my face in your hands
Live for each second without hesitation
And never forget I'm your man, Mary Mary

Wait on me girl
Cry in the night if it helps
But more than ever I simply love you
More than I love life itself

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands should be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands (time on my hands) should be time spent with you
Laughing like children (laughing like children), living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

And I guess that's why they call it the blues

And I guess that's why they call it the blues

HOWS IT GOING TO BE
I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing
I wonder what are we fighting for
When I say out loud
I want to get out of this
I wonder is there anything
I'm going to miss
I wonder how it's going to be
When you don't know me
How's it going to be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be
When there's no one there to talk to
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's it going to be
How's it going to be
Where we used to laugh
There's a shouting match
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch
A silence I can't ignore
Like the hammock by the
Doorway we spent time in swings empty
Don't see lightning like last fall
When it was always about to hit me
I wonder how's it going to be
When it goes down
How's it going to be
When you're not around
How's it going to be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me
Cause I don't care
How's it going to be
And how's it going to be
When you don't know me anymore
And how's it going to be
Want to get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivion
I want to taste the salt of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion oblivion
How's it going to be
When you don't know me anymore
How's it going to be
How's it going to be
How's it going to be

"Even If"

Never thought I would, find the words that could
Stand up through any weather
Something I could say, you could hear today
But stay with you forever
Just when I was losing my faith, and I was losing my way
It came to me as clear as day

[Chorus:]
Even if I wake up and find I'm alone
Cause the whole world's turned to stone
And my God says it's time I take you home
I'll be happy going knowing that I loved you

Innocent and mild, must be heaven's child
Sent to make me believe (Make me believe)
On my darkest night, all you have to do is smile
And you breathe new life into me
Just when I was losing my faith, and losing my way
You came to me as clear as day

[Chorus]
There'll be a time
When I'm gonna have to leave this sweet place behind
But baby before I go, I gotta make sure you know
'Bout the joy that you bring to my life

[Chorus 2x]

I'll be happy going knowing that I loved you [3x]

2009-12-16T23:03:00.000-08:00

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

Santa baby came early

2009-12-14T09:03:00.001-08:00

These are the only pics I got up in Logan. My camera died of course!!! The room was super fun, they had a pool table and the tub was the size of a freaking Hottub!!! lol We went to Pita pit of course! I forgot how amazingly good those are! And I forgot how freaking cold logan is! Geez, anyways got to hook up with Amber and Dan and little Zina, sorry we missed ya dennis!

We Celebrated Christmas early for the girls yesterday! And they loved the Kitchen, Reese is so creative! She has made me so many dishes already!

Also Intrduuuuuucing our newest editions Kevyn and Winston!
Kevyn
Winston aka winny
I got the girls the pinkalicious books and some princess dresses!
Ya this thing took like 3 hours to put together! And there is the little princess tent!

We had a good morning!!! Merry Christmas everyone!!!

2009-12-08T20:09:00.001-08:00

Wow, So last night we went out to Dover!!!!!!!!!
My dad took me and Tomas out for a night of buffets, Texas hold em, black jack, big black tub 65 year old cocktail waitress! And all that Wendover ghetto Fabulous has to offer... However we were up till like 4 and woke up @ 9! I am so tired right now, but Tomas let me take a nap and he made me and the girls an amazing dinner... I just finished the girls bath and he is passed out now! I just love having him here and safe all tucked in a comfortable bed!! Anyways thanks for the Great Christmas Present Mom and Dad! We love you and will see you tomorrow, me and Tomas are heading up North to Logan to party harty some more at the Anniversary Inn, do some snowboarding and get couples massages!! Logan is where we dated pretty seriously and where he proposed!

Oh ya that's right wall full of mirrors!!!!!!!

Jason and Josh were out there for the hold em tournament.

2009-12-07T10:08:00.000-08:00

Time is a fickle Son of a Bitch!!!
Already our time together is coming to and end! Blah I want to keep waking up to my cute husband and girls climbing into bed with us and cuddling... It took FOREVER for him to get here and the days are just blowing by! I tell ya BLOWING!!
Reese and Halle love love having tomas here we've been having such a fun time together! Right now tomas is making me lunch, he bought me the Seasons of Friends and I've been watching those and cracking up!!! Oh we love our man!

2009-12-02T14:56:00.000-08:00

Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open. ~Agnes de Mille

2009-11-30T21:49:00.000-08:00

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I CANNOT, CANNOT WAKE UP TO ANOTHER MORNING WITHOUT TOMAS!
He has been delayed for 2 days!
GD WADING POOL!!!

Tomas, Turkey, Taylor!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-29T10:52:00.000-08:00

Tomas comes home TOMORROW!!!
I got the house all cleaned, his jeep bought and parked out front! Its the biggest hunk of metal ever, but Tomas will make it look really good! We are so excited to just relax together and enjoy each others company! Can't wait!

Thanksgiving was a good day! My parents went and chilled with Karlie in St George, soaked up some sun! Me and the girls went to the Rus and Suzanne's house and had turkey with there friends and family! I love love there home!

Then we went to the Chinos for turkey take 2!

I know how sad this is, but I have always been a sucker for bodies like this!!! Freak Kid, he is plastered on every magazine right now, GQ, Mens Health, Teen Vogue, he is everywhere!!!! I think he is beautiful! lol! I love his white teeth and ripped body, veins in his arms... yowza! lol

He said he can't chose between blondes or brunettes, Taylor I got ya covered! lol

2009-11-24T22:38:00.000-08:00

Reese Charly Chino,
Okay she is just so darn cute!!!!
She literally is my sun.
My daughters bring me such overwhelming joy.
Tomas comes home in 5 days, and the days could not be going any slower. I'm trying to stay busy. But its going so so slow! We are getting so excited! When we get the chance to talk we quote our favorite movies and talk about our favorite restaurants. I try and send him quotes and things I found this darling quote on amys blog( who by the way has been such a solid rock for me lately)
"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting."
-Tinkerbell
It hasn't been easy for us this past week, when I feel pushed against a wall, I fight back pretty intensely. I lie, cheat, steal whatever I have to do to get out. But Tomas just Blah can't even explain it, just unconditional love! And the crazy part is he makes me feel that I deserve it! To be loved unconditionally! When the weight of life pushes me down to where I am crawling with my fingernails just to make it,he swoops in and picks me up dusts me off and pushes me forward! I just hold on and all of a sudden, Jayci comes back! I wrap up my regrets in some cloth and put them away, I'll always have them with me, but I'm not carrying them around anymore. Tomas makes me feel whole. Don't know how many of you have been without there husband, otherhalf, whatever for a long period of time but its a hard hard thing to survive, some don't! The constant worry that this could be our last chance to talk, not talking for long periods of time, not knowing if there okay! Ugh!!!!!!!!!! ITS AWFUL! But somehow when we get to talk again, I feel whole and alive! There is no one like you and me tomas! My darling, 5 more days....

my thoughts go out to you,my immortal beloved.I can live only wholly with you or not at all.
Be calm my life,my all.
Only by calm consideration of our existence...can we achieve our purpose to live together.
Oh,continue to love me.
Never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.

POSSIBILITY!!

2009-11-20T09:45:00.000-08:00

So saw New Moon, at 3AM. lol, Me and tay went to Denny's got some pancakes and then
went in our pj's... ha But wow this song hit me hard! Me and Tomas went through some tough stuff, of my doing of course. Its really hard to have a relationship with phone cards and the delay... But I have a husband who loves me faults and all. He has always and will always be the only constant in my life!!!

There’s a possibility
There’s a possibility
All that I had was all I gon’ get

..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..

There’s a possibility
There’s a possibility
All I gon' get is gone with your step

So tell me when you hear my heart stop,
You’re the only who knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility
I wouldn’t know

..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..
..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..

Know that when you leave
Know that when you leave
By blood and by mean
You walk like a thief
By blood and by mean
I fall when you leave

So tell me when you hear my heart stop,
You’re the only who knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility
I wouldn’t know

Tell me when my sigh is over
You’re the reason why I’m close
Tell me if you hear me falling
Theres a possibility
It wouldn’t show

..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..
..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..
..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..

By blood and by mean
I fall when you leave
By blood and by mean
I follow your lead

..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..
..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..
..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..
..MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..

2009-11-18T12:21:00.001-08:00

Dear Reese,
Sweet Daughter of mine, I've loved you before you were even here!
Your ability to love and accept baffles me everyday...
Your beautiful curls, and adorable smile helps me to get up every morning and face the world!
Your Daddy loves and misses you so much.
And Halle jay looks up to you so much.
Thanks for the never ending hugs.
Thanks for being just you! I love you Reese Charly!

2009-11-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

So when I hear a song that gives me chills I have to post about it!!!

I hope that I got all the lyrics right,
Lady Gaga Rendition of
IMAGINE

Imagine there's no heaven
its easy if you try
no hell below us
And only Mathew in the sky

Imagine all the people
living for today
imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
and no religion to

Imagine all the people
living life in peace
You may say i'm a dreamer
but i'm not the only one

I hope some day you will join us
And the world will live as one

People of the nation
are you listening
it isn't equal if its sometimes
oh what a real democracy

Imagine all the people
could love equally
imagine no possesions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
just a brother hood of land

Imagine all the people
sharing in the world
with nothing to hate and nothing to think,
just people to love them

Friends to have grace
you may say i'm a dreamer
but i'm not the only one
I hope someday you will join us
and the world will live as one!!!

I really don't think I am a gay activist but nor am I against it!
I think I am against not free to be you and me!
I don't think anyone should be persecuted for what they believe! I don't think people should have to die for what they believe either! Free to be you and Me!!!
Anyways isn't lady gaga amazing though! She really has a great voice!

Far away!

2009-11-15T14:32:00.001-08:00

Far Away :
I will live my life as a lobsterman's wife on an island in the blue bay.
He will take care of me, he will smell like the sea,
And close to my heart he'll always stay.

I will bear three girls all with strawberry curls, little Ella and
Nelly and Faye.
While I'm combing their hair, I will catch his warm stare
On our island in the blue bay.

Far away far away, I want to go far away.
To a new life on a new shore line.
Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another island, in another life.

There's a boy next to me and he never will be anything but a boy at the bar.
And I think he's the tops, he's where everything stops.
How I love to love him from afar.

When he walks right pass me then I finally see on this bar stool I can't stay.
So I'm taking my frown to a far distant town
On an island in the blue bay.

Far away far away, I want to go far away.
To a new life on a new shore line.
Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another island, in another life.

I want to go far away.
Away away, I want to go far away, away, away
I want to go far away, far away.

Where the water is blue and the people are new.
To another life, to another life.
To another shore line
In another life.

SLEEPING????

2009-11-13T20:38:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday, some more pics from my party earlier
Me and Hal
Amy, photo shopped this for me, I love my hair

Halle was getting ready with us!
Girls love my shoes!
Pitty mum, pitty mum

Couldn't decide which to wear, went with the boot

My new hat that Steph gave me!

I love this song in a Good way, MISS YOU TOMAS

Even if you are a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me

And even at the bottom of the sea
I could still hear it inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time,

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever try sleeping with a broken heart?
Well you could try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you

You wore the crown, you made my body feel heaven bound
Why don't you hold me, need me
I thought you told me, you'd never leave me

Looking in the sky I could see your face
And I knew right where I fit in
Take me, make me, you know that I'll always be in love with you
Right till the end

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Anybody could've told you right from the start it's 'bout to fall apart
So rather than hold on to a broken dream or just hold on to love
And I could find a way to make it, don't hold on too tight
I'll make it without you tonight

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

LAUGHING WITH...

2009-11-10T16:42:00.001-08:00

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one´s laughing at God when they´re starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God when the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one´s laughing at God when it´s gotten real late
And their kid´s not back from the party yet
No one laughs at God when their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake
No one´s laughing at God when they see the one they love
Hand in hand with someone else and they hope they´re mistaken

No one laughs at God when the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news sir
No one´s laughing at God when there´s a famine fire or flood

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they´re ´bout to choke

God can be funny
When told he´ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one´s laughing at God when they´ve lost all they´ve got
And they don´t know what for

No one laughs at God on the day they realize that the last sight they´ll ever see
Is a pair of hateful eyes
No one´s laughing at God when they´re saying their goodbyes

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they´re ´bout to choke

God can be funny
When told he´ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one laughing at God in a hospital
No one´s laughing at God in a war

No one´s laughing at God when they´re starving or freezing or so very poor

No one´s laughing at God
No one´s laughing at God
No one´s laughing at God
No one´s laughing at God
We´re all laughing with God

2009-11-08T21:26:00.000-08:00

So I turned 26 yesterday and I made out alive!!! IT wasn't really that big of a deal. Except I am now closer to the big 30. I really missed tomas today and yesterday, but he's always with me in a sense... He comes home for 2 WEEKS the first part of december and I am so excited! Its going to fly however, and take forever to get here!!1 I hate that! Anyways I am pretty content with myself at this moment! Two beautiful daughters, a strong husband in every since of the word, I weigh 142! Haven't been that in awhile! And I'm still lovin my hair! lol!!

SLOW.. SLOW.. QUICK. QUICK. SLOW!!! TAKE TWO

2009-10-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

I just love love to go out Dancing!!!! But 80's dancing is by far the best. Me and Amy would go dancing almost every Thursday when we lived together, and I am glad we still go in our new life!!! Shelby and her friend Sarah, were such a blast! And some people even thought I was 21 lol lol lol! Okay, okay the wig helps.

Reese helps me get ready, she is just so darn cute!

Hot pink lips, an 80's must!
Killer boots man!, Actually I love these!

The cars loved us! Just some Crazy 20 year olds lol

Eh...

2009-10-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in it's absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be better
You'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them

Hey Guys what a Lazy Sunday!!! I finished a whole book, ran around with the girls and swoop, they are both passed out on my bed right now, I bought them Pocahontas and we've watched it all day! I am so sick of it! Dexter season 4 started and I am making myself a salad and watching it, but since I pretty much had zero activity i'm not the least bit tired! I hate lonely nights, I feel i can get through the day but then my nights just drag sometimes, I bought this lavender sleep pillow mist for Bath and Body and ya its not helping! I suppose I could Tylenol PM it tonight but it makes me super groggy in the morning. Not that I have anything tomorrow morning! I love the crispness in the air! Just wish it was a little warmer!

CAN'T HELP MYSELF!!

2009-10-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

Jared had his birthday on tuesday, it was a white trash party! So much fun, My black eye and all!

So my goal has been to cut back on my sexual humor, and I've been doing very well actually, but something like this I CAN'T HELP MYSELF, I was laughing so hard when this was sent to me!! Just let yourself laugh because ya its that funny, you need to turn of my music the balloon sounds are the best part!!!

"MACKIN IN TARGET PARKING LOT"

2009-10-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

I saw this couple making out in there truck in the Target parking lot and I wanted to Bash there faces in!!! It was so sweet, he had both hads on her face like he couldn't get enough of her. And then they just rested against each others foreheads(yes I sat and watched, why bit of a masochist I suppose) they were talking like that for awhile and I imagined what i'd say to Tomas, That I just want to her my name out of his mouth, our breathe mingling together, just his smell! Blah I really miss the guy! BUt had a good day! Getting exited for Halloween putting up decor tommorow! And also, I remember last year doing this and it doens't seem that long ago, so hopefully the year will go like that!

UMMMM YA......

2009-09-30T16:25:00.001-07:00

I pretty much feel like death today!!! lol! "Kill him"

2009-09-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

My Dearest,

I've missed you very very much since that last night we were together
and will hold that night especially in my memories for years to come

I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately
I've read your letter through at least four times
and will probably read it more times before I'm through

I've been sitting here.. looking at your picture 
and getting more homesick every minute
I've wanted that picture more than anything else I know of except of course...
you yourself

I keep thinking of you darling
I keep wishing I could be home with you
I want to leave in the worst possible way
So I can come home to see you but..
Things don't look so good on that subject

And  this war has spoiled a lot of things for everyone I guess..
I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now
I'm completely lost without you darling

I never realized I could miss any one person so much
I just hope it won't be too much longer until I'm able to be with you again
And live a sane and normal life

The Job!!

2009-09-26T21:42:00.000-07:00

You know when you have really good work days.. Well the last two nights at flemings have been so great! Awesome customers and fun coworkers and everything just runs real smooth! I enjoy my job alot and am glad that I can go a few days a week. If you haven't tried Flemings you for sure need to! ITs great food and wonderful service!!

2009-09-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

( Sorry guys sometimes the only way that I can communicate is through music and its words) I am sitting here with my twinkie, lol ya twinkie anyone remember what this foam taste like so good with tears... Guys I miss him so much! Blah

I knew who he was when I took his name
But somehow knowing is just not the same late at night
He knows the danger but he does what he does
He calls it duty, but I call it love
So here I am
While hes gone to some foreign land

Chorus: (Both)
And I cry cuz i'm all alone
And the nights get so cold and long
And I try not to think he wont come home
But I'm sleepin' with the telephone

Verse 2: (Reba McEntire)
The yellow ribbon on my neighbors gate
Always reminds me that someones awake just like me
I hear the sirens and I watch the news
He laughs and leaves with his gun and his blue uniform
And I pray god keeps him safe from harm

Chorus: (Both)
And I cry cuz i'm all alone
And the nights get so cold and long
And I try not to think he wont come home
But I'm sleepin' with the telephone

Bridge: (Both)
I lose him in my darkest dreams
And my blood runs cold and my heart skips a beat
So I get up
I cant take anymore
Sometimes I hate how much I love him
But everyday I love him more

And I try not to think he wont come home
But I'm sleepin' with the telephone

(Reba McEntire)
Somethin' awakes me from where he should be
I reach for him
The telephone rings

2009-09-22T20:02:00.001-07:00

In my daughter's eyes
I am a hero I am strong and wise
And I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
Everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light
And the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh, It puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hanging on when your heart
Has had enough
It's giving more when you feel
Like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am
And what will be
And though she'll grow
And someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see
How happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

[Jay-Z]
Ahuh Ahuh (Yea Rihanna)
Ahuh Ahuh (Good girl gone bad)
Ahuh Ahuh (Take three... Action)
Ahuh Ahuh

No clouds in my storms
Let it rain, I hydroplane in the bank
Coming down with the Dow Jones
When the clouds come we gone, we Rocafella
She fly higher than weather
And G5's are better, You know me,
an anticipation, for precipitation. Stacked chips for the rainy day
Jay, Rain Man is back with little Ms. Sunshine
Rihanna where you at?

[Rihanna]
You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining
Ooh baby it's raining
Baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining
Oh baby it's raining

125 DEGREES!!

2009-09-20T20:18:00.001-07:00

I feel like that Frog story with the boiling pot of hot water! ( funny thing... well not funny per say but I did this to my Friend Ashley's frog in the sink! Put to much hot water in and he got paralyzed) we were like umm why isn't he kicking anymore! I don't think her little brother has forgiven me yet! Anyways uh ya Tough week! Lots of BIG changes in peoples lives. Didn't work at all this week, and have gone through a whole loaf of bread in 3 days, due to peanut butter sandwiches, even swoop doesn't want to eat them anymore! I still have a swollen lip and haven't showered in 2 days. I can't even see the floors anymore! But this week is behind us! ITs over in the past!!! Cna't be changed, undone! Back to the frog! I've never been to the boling point, and usually its not me that sees that I am "UH BOILING JAYCI THATS WAY WAY TO HOT!" and they burn there hands fishing me out!!! Hold me, forgive me, make sure I am okay! But this time I felt the heat surround me and realized GET OUT!!! and I did I climbed out!!! This doesn't deserve any kind of congrats, its actually quite pathetic!! But nontheless (thats for you adi) nonTHELESS I climbed out! I'M READY FOR A CASE OF THE MONDAYS!!!! BRING ON THE WEEK! ;)

2009-09-19T11:22:00.001-07:00

She was lost in so many different ways
Out in the darkness with no guide
I know the cost of a losing hand
Never thought the grace of God go high

I found heaven on earth
You were my last, my first
And then I hear this voice inside
Ave Maria

I've been alone when I'm surrounded by friends
How could the silence be so loud?
But I still go home knowing that I've got you
There's only us when the lights go down

You are my heaven on earth
You are my hunger, my thirst
I always hear this voice inside
Singing Ave Maria

Sometimes love can come and pass you by
While your busy making plans
Suddenly hit you and then you realize
It's out of your hands, baby you got to understand

You are my heaven on earth
You are my last, my first
And then I hear this voice inside
Ave Maria, Ave Maria, Ave Maria

Goodby Summer!!!

2009-09-18T22:32:00.000-07:00

So my camera broke a bit ago and I had no idea you could email pictures to your computer from your phone, I thought I needed that lousy cable thing!! Well Nope so here are some pictures from the summer!!

Me and the Girls went out to eat at Flemings, The food is so good, I get 50% off so anyone that wants to go let me know!!! ps I have to come with! HA

Went to the good ole Box Elder County Fair! I'm starting to feel old by the way.

We go up to Snowbird every year! They had scotland highland races thing going on pretty fun, ya the dude was in a kilt, no underwear!! lol

Jessie got married, her wedding was so fun, I missed Tomas so much though he was the only brother not there!!! The girls looked so cute in there matching purple Dresses... Reese and Halle love there cousins

Me and Alisha and the girls out for lunch at Wingers... Freak Girl I miss ya! Go UNLV!

Vegas Baby!!!

Oh me and the girls sure miss this guy!!!

Reese and Lulu whenever they get together it is a Dress up extravaganza!!!! I LOVE YOU JEN!!!

Clubbin it at the Sandbar with Alisha and Steph... HOLLA

Miss Aims comes and saves my hair from time to time.. When One night I decide to go back blonde in 1 NIGHT!! Blame it on the AMBEIN!! LOL

Reese is just so darn cute!! She started a Tai Kwon Do class and she absolutely loves it... SHe got a new fun pink tv from grandma, and new boobs!! LOL

Me and Tomas had ourselves some airport sex... lol it was in the private handicap bathroom!! Love it!! Have I told you how much I am missing him!!

Tomas got himself a tattoo!! ITs in latin and it means "In order for Peace you must prepare for war" Ya just sent me a picture, oh hun by the way jut got a tattoo today!!! BUt I like it!

Me and the girls on a lazy afternoon!!!

2009-09-14T13:45:00.001-07:00

Shitdamnhell!!!!! thats all

2009-08-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

So I just had to do a quick blog about my friends Husbands!! THey are amazing... So glad that through my friends I have met them. I also have great Brother in laws and so thankful for there support! Anyways guys thank you thank you for everything!!!

2009-08-24T13:57:00.000-07:00

So Tomas is passed out on the couch, swoop is squashed on the other end, Reese passed out on the floor, Halle is taking her nap and the house is Splendid in its discord! Seinfeild is on the tv and wingers takeout is right where i left it!! Having my family all here sleeping is a comfort I hope I don't ever take for Granted! I am already dreading the airport tommorrow! Tomas just cancelled his cell phone and that was a huge thing I will miss. To have tomas in my bed, to have his weight on me, his smell, his laugh, his shaving cream spots on the mirror! Blah Even the girls sleep better knowing daddy is just upstairs! Going day by day is my plan! And today is Faboulous day! Anyways keep me on your speed dial next week I'll need ya! Tomas isn't sure when he will be able to make contact!!!
On a lighhter note!!! HOT HOT SEX GUYS, best i've had thus far lol! Chan, jen thats for you!! lol

2009-08-19T16:09:00.000-07:00

Hey hey starngers...
I have not died! Promise been without the internet for a bit. Decided to spend my comcast payment on massages for me and Tomas! HA.. He comes home on Sat and I cannot CANNOT WAIT!!! Me and the girls are so excited! We are going to party it up the whole 4 days he is home!! Things are going good with us, I still love Flemings and swoop is still alive!!! Been going to parks with Rats, Alisha was freaking out but channa was there to beat them away with sticks.. Been going to the bloody luandry matt! that Blows but laundry gets done super quick! Had artic circle for dinner on a laundry basket at the laundry matt!!! YA so white trash!! Love it! Anyways! Been going out with Friends and spending time with the girls! Jens baby charlie is adrorable, kristina is getting married, Jared and keri moved into there beautiful new home, jessie got married! My hair is back blonde again and super super short! Amy saved the day!! Will post pictures soon promise! Anyways miss the internet terribly! Haven't been able to keep up with the Gossip and such!!! Emimen and Mariah anyone!!! Love his song!!! Don't worry its three songs down! But hope all is well out there you guys i'm thinking of ya and every chance I get too the internet I see the goings on!! MUAH lata skatas

Miss

2009-07-29T18:10:00.000-07:00

Summer in the city means cleavage cleavage cleavage
And I start to miss you, baby, sometimes
I've been staying up and drinking in a late night establishment
Telling strangers personal things

Summer in the city, I'm so lonely lonely lonely
So I went to a protest just to rub up against strangers
And I did feel like coming but I also felt like crying
It doesn't seem so worth it right now

And the castrated ones stand in the corner smoking
They want to feel the bulges in their pants start to rise
At the site of a beautiful woman they feel nothing but
Anger, her skin makes them sick in the night nauseaous, nauseaous, nauseaous

Summer in the city, I'm so lonely lonely lonely
I've been hallucinating you, babe, at the backs of other women
And I tap on their shoulder and they turn around smiling
But there's no recognition in their eyes

Oh summer in the city means cleavage cleavage cleavage
And don't get me wrong, dear, in general I'm doing quite fine
It's just when it's summer in the city, and you're so long gone from the city
I start to miss you, baby, sometimes

When it's summer in the city
And you're so long gone from the city
I start to miss you, baby, sometimes
I start to miss you, baby, sometimes
I start to miss you, baby, sometimes

HMMM???

2009-07-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

So apparently there are only a few select couples that talk Dirty in Bed, I've discovered!!!
Well see ya later!! LOL!

NEW MOON AND NEW FREAKING HOT BODIES!!!

2009-07-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

Okay wow I cannot wait, I literally get the chills lol lol! I can hear tomas gagging.. Ha
I love Jacobs body! Edwards definitely got better though!!! HOLLA!!! H TO THE IZO!!!

2009-07-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

I just really needed to make a post about my Friend, may as well be family!!!
But I am a lucky person for the people that are in my life! I know everyone says this! But sorry I'm special! I have some of the most intimate, kind, understanding friends!!! And not only my friends but there amazing husbands!! Who make my friends the wonderful people they are today. I visited with some today and the powerful things that they say I Know come from a place of a very powerful knowledge and powerful way too communicate without judgment, put from a love of wanting people to understand and give support no matter what is going on! The peace that they have brought me today is I know they care for me and my family! Thank you for your words!!
And I know people don't like to put themselves out there but you'd be surprised at how many people may be going through things and get the drive to keep going because of the things you share!!! I know most of your blogs are there for beautiful pictures and the creativity that is out there. BUt I challenge you to let some stuff out BAM right out there in the open! It doesn't have to be your most spiritual most horrible most confusing things you have experienced or seen. Some things don't need to be shared, but if you let out a few things, you'd be shocked at how much support is out there, or how much support you just gave someone by sharing your life! Good or bad!!
So let it out
SHARE
LISTEN
GIVE FEEDACK!

ALL OF YOU! IF YOU'D BUT JUST SHARE, YOU'LL FIND SO MANY AMAZING NEW WAYS TO TAKE ON YOUR WORLD, BY LETTING PEOPLE IN YOUR WORLD!!!! Either share here in my comments or write it down somewhere, send someone an email or letter that has been on your mind, reach out! Everyone of you has something amaizing and great to offer the world! Just let us know that we are not alone!!! I sincerly challenge you all! very much love to my friends who share and help me with my world!!!

2009-07-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

I do believe I will get to a place in my life that I won't feel the need to explain the things I do too anyone... But however not there yet!!

Miss anonymous... Don't be so "WHITE TRASH" and share your opinion without having the balls to say who you are! Enjoy your pleasant life perfect marriage and children, beautiful car and two car garage!!

Those of you who know me, know I am obsessed with Eminem! I think he says what he means and its real stuff! He doesn't hide behind a picture perfect life!! I just got his new cd and was listening to it! And sorry white trash or not it fit with what I was feeling at the time, sorry miss anonymous that it wasn't Bubbly, or some happy good lucky song!!!

I had just finished taking someone very close to me, to see his probabtion officer for drugs, and his mom could give a shit!
Also another close friends mom wants nothing to do with her for the choices she is making and who she is chosing to be with!!
My own mother thinks her children are a pieces of shit!

You think I could go off yelling at these mothers, heck no, does anyone think you should talk like that song in front of there children UMM NO!!!

Thats what MY BLOG is for, for me to let things go, to vent and say exactly how I feel!!
This blog is very theraputic for me!!
I really am sorry if I embarress family or make my friends uncomfortable!
But don't worry in a few days it will be gone, and my beautiful girls and husband will be on the next post!

But for real anynomous get a life, mine may not be full just the good times, which I think is great too, if thats all they want to share! But me I'm just not that way!!

And for the record I've only tried valium a few times! LOL!
To all my family and friends who chose to put up with the good and the bad, I Love Love Love you for that!!!

So heres to better days and better blogs but my bad ones will be on here as well!!!

NON COMMUN EH CADO!!

2009-07-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

So lately the only way I seem to be able to communicate is through song... I have a zillion photos I want to upload and tons to tell you all.. The good the bad and then the really bad and the really good! But can't quite put it all up yet!! So here are two songs which hit home deeply and again don't take them too literally, I am however absolutely cuckoo! And I do love my Mother!

Song 1
ABSOLUTELY CUCKOO
[don't fall in love with me yet
we only recently met
true i'm in love with you but
you might decide i'm a nut
give me a week or two to
go absolutely cuckoo
and when you see your error
then you can flee in terror
like everybody else does
i only tell you this 'cause
i'm easy to get rid of
but not if you fall in love
know now that i'm on the make
and if you make a mistake
my heart wil certainly break
i'll have to jump in a lake
and all my friends will blame you
there's no telling what they'll do
it's only fair to tell you
i'm absolutely cuckoo] x2
Song 2

My Mom lyrics

Yo yo, alright, i'm gonna lay the chorus first
Here we go now.

My mom loved valium and lots of drugs
And that's why I am like I am cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved valium and lots of drugs
That's why I on what I on cause I'm my mom.

My mom my mom I know youre probably tired of hearing about my mom Oh ho! Whoa ho!
But this is just a story of when I was just a shorty and how I became hooked on va-al-ya-hum
Valium was in everything food that I ate, The water that I drank fucking peas on my plate,
She sprinkled just enough of it to sea-son my steak, So everyday I have at least three stomach aches,
Now tell me what kind of mother would want to see her
Son grow up to be an under a undera-fuckin-chiever, My teacher didn't think I was going be nothing either,
What the fuck you sticking gum up under the fucking seat for?
Mrs. Mathers your son has been huffing ether, Either that or the mother fuckers been puffing reefer,
But all this huffing and puffing wasn't what it was either,
It was neither I was buzzing but it wasn't what she thought, Pee in a tea cup?
Bitch you aint my keeper, im sleeping, What the fuck you keep on fucking with me for?
Slut you need to leave me the fuck alone I aint playing,
Go find you a white crayon and color a fucking zebra.

My mom love Valium and lots of drugs, That why I am like I am cause I'm like her,
Because my mom love Valium and lots of drugs, That why I'm on what I'm on cause I'm my mom.

Wait a minute this aint dinner this is paint thinner, You ate it yesterday I aint hear no complaints did I?
Now here's a plate full of pain killers now just wait till I crush the Valium and put it in your potatoes you little mother fucker ill make you sit there and make that retarded fucking face without even tasting it, you better lick the fucking plate you aint wasting it, Put your face in it before I throw you in the basement again,
And I aint giving in, your gonna just sit there in one fucking place spinning again till next thanksgiving and if you still aint finished it I use the same shit again then when I make spinach dip it will be placed into shit, you little shit want to sit there and play innocent, A rack fell and hit me at k mart and they witnessed it, child support, your father he aint slipped us shit and so what if he did that aint none of your dang business kid.

My mom there's noone else quite like my mom I know why should let bygones be bygones
But she's the reason why I am high but I'm high on cause.

My mom love Valium and lots of drugs, That why I am like I am cause I'm like her,
Because my mom love Valium and lots of drugs, That why I'm on what I'm on cause I'm my mom.

My mom loved valium now all I am Is a party animal, I am what I am
But I'm strong to be finished wit' me val-ium spinach But my bars only last about two minutes
But I don't wanna swallow it without you in it I can't even write a rhyme without you in it
My valium, my vaaa-eh-elll-liummmmm maaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Man I never though that I could ever be A drug addict nah, fuck that I can't have it happen to me
But that's actually what has ended up happenin, a tragedy
I'm fuckin passin it up catchin me And it's probably where I got acquainted with the taste ain't it?
Pharmaceuticals of the bomb i'm beautiful Secure the fuckin dog with the medicine she done fed it
Feed it a fuckin aspirin and say that it has a headache
Here want a snack, you hungry you fuckin rat Look at that, it's a Zanex, take it and take a nap
Eat it, but I don't need it, well fuck it then brake it up
Take a little piece and beat it before you wake Nathan up all right Ma you win, I don't feel like arguin
I'll do it, pop and gobble it and start wobblin Stumble hobble tumble slip drip then I fall in bed
With a bottle of meds and a Heath Ledger bobblehead.

My mom love Valium and lots of drugs, That why I am like I am cause I'm like her,
Because my mom love Valium and lots of drugs,
That why I'm on what I'm on cause I'm my mom.
My mom i'm just like her My mom my mom my mom [x2]
My mom my mom my mom, my mom, my momma
Meh mommeh, eh likah momma. Ha ha, sorry mom, still love you though Dr. dre 2010, hey this shit is hella hard homie
Yo take us on outta here.

FOR TOMAS!

2009-07-06T12:05:00.000-07:00

TOMAS,
Sometimes certain songs come along that I swear were meant for me!!!

(Now keep in mind you can't take this song too literally) Seriously what girl drinks Whiskey lol!!!

I've hardly been outside my room in days,
'Cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realized the conscience never fades.
When you're young you have this image of your life,
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,
And if you happen to, you wake completely lost.

But I will fight for you,
Be sure that I will fight,
Until we're the special two once again.

And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,
And we're the special two!
And we could only see each other, we'll bleed together,
These arms will not be taught to need other's,
And we're the special two.

I remember someone old once said to me,
That "lies will lock you up with truth the only key."
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
And couldn't see this place would soon become my hell.
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is, don't do it in the first place.
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,
But if by chance you change your mind, you know I will not let you down,
'Cause we were the special two, and we'll be again.

And we will only need each other, we'll breathe together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,
when we're the special two.
And we can only see each other, we'll bleed together
These arms will not be taught to need another,
when we're the special two.

I step outside my mind's eyes for a minute.
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease,
Or something that could ease the pain.
But nothing cures the hurt you, you bring on by yourself,
Just remembering, just remembering how we were...

When we would only need each other, we'd bleed together,
our hands would not be taught to hold another's,
We were the special two.
And we could only see each other we'd bleed together,
These arms would not be taught to need another's,
'Cause we're the special two.

*&#$%^@!@#$!

2009-06-16T17:41:00.000-07:00

I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG EVERY MORNING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY IS MARRIAGE SO HARD FOR ME SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY CAN'T I BE THE AMAZING JAYCI THAT IS IN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY IS MY FAMILY HAVING TO GO THROUGH THIS DEPLOYMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COULD THERE BE MORE TEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COULD THERE BE MORE SMILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL IN ONE DAMN DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY TO HAVE TOMAS??????????????????????????????
HHHHHHHEEEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But hey guys I GOTTA FEELING THAT TONIGHT'S GOING TO BE A GOOD NIGHT!

I'M BACK BABY!!

2009-06-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends...
Its been a bit, Have you missed me? lol
I have been working and lovin on Tomas and playing with the girls the days have been flying by. I am dreading July 5th! Thanks goodness its Reese's B day so there is a Silver Lining.

So new stuff where to start! Having with Tomas has been so great, there has been some ruff patches and stupid fights but somehow we are pulling through!

We had Zeke's baby blessing and had some fun at the park and a wonderful lunch.

Tomas and Halle
We love dad!
Tomas and his stories...

So having Stephanie here has been so freaking nice, She is such a blessing and helping me clean with laundry and letting me sleep in once in awhile! She is upbeat and funny and we crack up all the time, we've been one big happy Polygamist family! LOL!

Steph took Reese to the park and she rode the Merry Go round!
And too see the Ducks and there babies
So cute
They were watching Peter Pan and got decked out in Indian Gear!

Just letting steph put some makeup on her.. She loves lip gloss now! Steph has over thousands off bucks worth of mac she had accumulated over the years and me and Reese love it!

Bath time
She walks when she wants, its so so annoying! ps that is a makeup bag in her hand, she is starting early.. BROTHER!
We went to Hogle Zoo with my parents. Ya we looked like Lesbo's! but its just funny, I love the zoo..

Me and Steph

Halle, Nixon, Reese
Papa and Grammie
Sexy Steph
Little Turkeys

Papa and Reese
Miss Halle Berry chowing down
Jess and me
This is our pose we take everytime we go to the zoo..

HOLY SHIT!!
Christian Bday 1 year old, Swoop celebrated! Look at her tongue..
LoL
Halle played with this ball all afternoon
Christian and Hal
Matt and his son daxtyn!
Reese loved him, she wanted to feed him so bad and she did a great job.
Mom and Halle hanging out
Whitney helping Reese with Dax
New cousin
Proud Grandparents
Matts baby's mamma and his girlfriend!!! YAAAH
Grandma and the girls
One big happy family
Miss Chels
My hair after being blonde was lookinbg shall we say BUSTED!!! So I bought some fun wigs and have been having a blast with them, as you can tell Reese has as well!!
She looks so darn cute!
I wish I was as cute as Reese!
The long wig. We were Braiden it up!
HOLLA
So ya sorry this post is so long!!

ONE MORE THING!!! I AM SO SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!

2009-05-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

So Holy Hell!!!!
2 stories.
I was at the Social Security Building, which is pure hell anyways... I had to wait almost 2 hours too be seen and its just chairs and hard floors! 20 minutes in the girls were done! I tried my hardest too keep them happy and entertained but it really wasn't working and then some women that works there coame up to me and said "umm we have guests could you please control your children!" I was in shock! Tears came up immediately but I manage to say some biting remark and get done with it!!

Then later that day, I was at Maverick and ran into pre pay for my gas, I could see my car the whole time, I was in the gas station for 30 sec tops! And some Lady is standing by my car i come up too it and she says "what kind of mother are you, to leave your kids alone in a car" Again Shock!

When did women think it was okay to judge another mother instead of maybe helping her out! You think its better to bitch her out and say she's a bad mother then too, offer to hold a crazy child, or maybe just keep your eye on the car for her!! Geez! I really want to slap some women for forgetting what its like to have small children or thinking its okay too tell her to control her children!!!

Anyways Mothers day was good went and visited the Family and the Clydesdale's and swung by the Case's! Morgan gave Reese this little white tiger and she loves it!!!

Halle and Nixon are at the same stages of development, so cute to watch them walk around. Well nixon is doing great. Halle is still wobbling and crawling.
Cody and Nix
Hansens ;)
So cute!!!
We missed you Tomas.

Tomas is doing good here are some pictures of the Happenings in California!

Steph moved in with me! She is my co worker from Flemings she needed a cheap place, so I said come live with me while Tomas is gone, Rent free and help me with my girls and the cleaning. It has worked out really nice! Anyways we went into eat with Melinda and her super sweet husband Brandon and then hit the town! Good Times...

Little Photo shoot before we went out! lol

Ah work!
Melinda and Brandon

2009-05-09T11:49:00.001-07:00

Was a good time too see this post Miss Aims...
10 THINGS THAT MAKE ME TERRIBLY HAPPY!!!!
And this is in no particular order.

1. Sleeping In
2. Sound of Reese and Halle laughing at each other in the bathtub
3. Hot Hot Showers
4. Halle's noise when she kisses you.
5. A manicured Lawn on a poor Home and Street.
6. A letter just to say hello in the Mail
7. Tomas's weight on top of me when we cuddle,kiss,make love.
8. Goosebumps I get from listening to music, with good lyrics
9. Great ambiance with low lighting in a Restaurant.
10.Reese's 2 year old talk.

SO there is my positive...
What a blah day today! I'm still in my pj's and its almost 6. The tv has been on not all day but pretty damn close. I've been sick and yesterday it hit me real hard and today, even my teeth hurt, I just wanted to nap, sleep, relax, But with little ones thats out of the question! ITs harder I think when you are sick then when they are sometimes!
Anyways today I've felt one of those lost days! And its funny because I saw this while I was surfin and I just cracked up ps (if your needing a good laugh go to Laci's DAVIS Blog) made my day, but okay I'm wondering just about life in General How we end up where we do! Choices we've made good and bad, all bringing us to today! I really believe in living in the Present, because you might not be around tomorrow, so I don't like saying tomorrow I will change or do things differently! I am for sure someone who lives in the Moment, thats not always a good thing according to some but its how I roll? So if this is it Handy Manny playing in the background, Reese sitting 1" away from the tv, told her 100 times too scoot back but I've surrendered that battle today! HAlle rolling around a potato, ya looked too see what she is doing and there she is potato in hand, hmmm where the hell did that come from! House is a mess, from a day of lounging and playing with toys! Hey I made muffins this morning Blue Berry and they were fabulous! And being so sick my teeth hurt I am Happy with this moment! But Desperately missing my Husband! So back to wondering about life in General, how can I be comletley content with my life but in that same breath not be??? I can't seem to wrap my head around that today! Is that a balance, Not too happy not too sad! ( Umm J your not making any sense) sorry but like I said one of those lost days! Am I Happy Hell ya! Am I sad Hell Ya! Hmmm Maybe should just stop questioning things and just ride! BUt yet again Ride till I crash, get lost, stumble onto a beautiful place, If someone knows happiness and sadness in the same breath please any enlightenment?????

2009-05-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

Well The Hubby left!!!!
And the next day sucked bad, but today I am feeling a lot better.
Here are the girls saying good night too Tomas, Halle really got it and was so excited too have her dad read too her.. Reese is still a bit confused but will understand as time passes I think!!!

We went up to PARK CITY!

Nate and Paige bought a time share at the west gate hotels, and we went up to celebrate her birthday. With the peeps!

Hanging out before everyone got to the hotel. Keri G.

We went swimming and then tomas and ty AND nate all hopped in the shower, it was so funny, I just had to get a picture.

Getting ready too go to the club Harrios! Ya me and Tomas were a little Hyper lol!
Tomas and Jeremy!
Tyler being his hot self
Jermey and Laura Ann..
Me and Tomas umm ya. ;)
I just love him
Paige and Kenz
Sexy in the City
Okay Kenzie Freaking looks so hot, I love this picture of her posing. Beautiful, did I mention her and Kyle are getting Married IN HAWAII!!!
Me and Paage
Tomas and Paige..
So they have these Go Go dancers there and they have too wear these huge furry boots and me and paige kept calling them Clydesdale's because they looked like huge Clydesdale feet.

Tomas jumped up on stage and started dancing with the gals and the bouncer booted him right off, we were all cracking up..

Nate got Paige a private table there so only our party could go in and it was nice we got too sit and relax and watch everyone.Jared and Tyler
Keri and Jar stealing a sweet moment, amongst chaos.
Ya the ladies love my husband!!! They were on a scavanger hunt and had too find a guy named Scott and of course tomas yells,"i'M SCOTT"
Kenz and Kyle

Clubbing in da Club

IT was such a fun night!

Oh and Jessi is getting married to a wonderful guy named Brent, the girls just love him! Congrats Jet!!!!

SLOW.. SLOW.. QUICK. QUICK. SLOW!!!

2009-05-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

MAN ALIVE I FREAKING LOVE 80'S DANCING, has too be one of my top 10 favorite things too do! And I love it when Tomas comes with. We really dance the whole night away!! LOVE IT! If you have never been I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! It's a Blast!
Took these with my phone.. Crimped hair baby, oh but my hair is in nasty shape the next day, I am sitting here with Gobs of Conditioner on :)
Tomas wore a Gostbusters shirt, it was cute.
Hott Lady!!! Her suspenders broke dammitt when we were dancing I loved em.
Nate and Paige!!!
These two clowns, we didn't get home till like 2, and they both got up and went too work!

Grandma Astrid bought the girls these balls, and they both absolutely love them! We roll those things around for hours..

Reese was getting ready to go dancing with us!!!

Aunt Karlie stopped by on her way up to H town for a quick visit, her and Jess went too this Zamba dancing work out class today, I think 80's dancing is better lol!

Paige just had her B day and we are Celebrating in Park City, but blah we saw that the Swine Flu is over there, kinda sucks because we've already made reservations for dinner and all got Hotel Rooms... So please bless we don't get ILL!! Freak.

YADA YADA!

2009-04-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

Hi wow, Been busy sorry I am so behind..
Few updates.

I LOVE MY JOB AT FLEMINGS... IT is such a fun chill classy place! I can't wait till i get a chance to serve there, all the girls and Rob that I host with are super cute and fun. And my managers are super chill but expect you to do your job the best you can! I am lucky to be there, I love getting ready and visiting with people!

Tomas is leaving on the 4th this month and will be gone for training till june! And when he gets back I am having a killer BBQ! Everyone is invited, it'll kind of be a Bon Voyage slash Tomas 26th Bday slash Reese 3rd Bday!!!

Me and Tomas fell asleep cuddling last night and are just preparing to miss each other!
With Zoloft and a good Attitude I think we will survive lol!!!
No, this isn't us I just love this picture and how tight they are holding one another!

Easter was super fun, I had to work at night but we had a fun morning still picking up the Easter grass from there baskets!

Found this close up of my makeup that Amy did! She is so Freaking Talented!

My friend Kristina had to go to the ER she has had some problems with her Pancreas, and I have been visiting her up there with her new umm "boyfriend" ;) I just love her and wish a fast healing!

Anyways I have some SUPER BIG NEWS but as soon as I get all the emails out to go private I will tell ya all! ( no I am not Prego, ARE YA KIDDING ME FOR EVEN THINKING THAT)

We went to Red Robin and had some lunch, I love that place!

My brother Matt had his little son Daxton! He is the cutest thing, and we are so glad to have Whitney and little Dax part of the Family.

We went to Sunday Brunch at The Cheesecake Factory and this was my Sunrise Burrito! Yes mom I am sure your dying! That thing was HUGE! I couldn't even eat 1/4 of it and I was full, it was good, but no wonder we are the fattest country! WHO NEED ALL THAT FOOD REALLY?

Anyways all in all things are just rollin for us down here in SLC! Loving the nice weather, and wanna kill someone when the next day its freezing!!

Umm what else Damn the Jazz!!

Halle can say, Dad, Mom, Ball, Dog, and No! So cute

I am a size 8 Ladies... Holla still got twenty to go!

I miss Taylee Case, haven't talked with her in forever.

Love ya

BRITNEY BABY!!!!

2009-04-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

Ya the Dress. Crazy! I know.... But I had a Blast.

HOLLA!

2009-04-11T14:15:00.000-07:00

Hey guys...
So been busy with Family Friends and Parties.. I know tough life right!

Me and Tomas went to the Anniversary Inn this week and went out to eat at the Melting Pot. Keira was so sweet and watched our girls and me and Tomas had a blast!! But best of all we got too SLEEP IN!!!! We didn't wake up till ten and then we had breakfast and went back to bed till noon! It was so Freaking Great.

We hung out with Paige n Nate and Keri n Jared and had a Wild night in the Rain!!! It was pouring that night!!!

My Grandpa passed away last week and although it was pretty tough, it was nice to be surrounded in family and seeing all of my mothers childhood friends and neighbors! His funeral was very sweet and all the grandchildren sang... My Grandma is so strong and our prayers are always with her!
My mom And Grandma at the Graveside..
She was so strong throughout this whole ordeal, very good example for me
My grandma's favorite color is Lavender, and while we were walking to the gravesite, Reese saw this flower (she kinda graverobbed it) but it was so sweet, she picked it up and was like "I want to give this too Grammie"
Karlie and my cute Cousins..
Nixon, Cody and Jess
Scottie and Robbie and me with Nixon
I love you Grandpa!!!!

And Tomas had his big going away party at the Olive Garden, they got him lots of Swag and a cake and it was really nice too see the support he got from his co workers and employees, and his boss! It just showed me what a great worker and boss tomas is! They all love him!!

T + J =

2009-04-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

" MARRIAGE ALWAYS HOLDS YOUR PARTNERS HAPPINESS HOSTAGE, AND THE PRICE OF RANSOM IS ALWAYS YOUR DEVELOPMENT!" david shnarch...

I saw this quote a week ago and I cannot get it out of my mind... I know at first reading it doesn't sound like a very uplifting quote. But how I interpret this way... the reason your happiness is held hostage is because you should be trying to make sure the other is happy no matter the cost!!! If you chose too pay the Ransom and chose to find happiness on your own you can't because you just gave up your development! And the only way too develop into a good person is putting people before yourself.

Being in love can sometimes seem like a curse, because no matter the pain you are dragged through, you wake up the next morning hoping for a better day, and the only comfort you can get is from the one who hurts you the most!!! Love is like an addiction that you need to survive!
You can never give up call it quits because you are in love!!! You've created a home together you've created life together you can't escape that!

When you yell at them too get out, all you can think of as soon as that door slams is "when are they coming back"! They are your only source of True Happiness!!!

And Marriage is so Hard! Oh sure it is amazing at the same time!!!
But Just when you think you've got it together REALITY HITS!!!
Bills, money, work, family, kids, friends, pets, neighbors, church,illness, death comes into play and you've got too deal with all that too!!!!!

TRUE LOVE IN JAYCI CHINO'S OPINON IS THIS!!!
Having a terrible fight, wanting too shut it all out, run away, coming back home, husband in the shower with Reese getting her ready for bed, and Your love needs his neck shaved, so you shave it make him look nice and neat, and he turns and says Come here I am sorry about today give me a kiss!!!! Close my eyes and somehow through that small wet peck in the shower everything seems too be OKAY!!!

AH LOVE!!!! DAMN LOVE!!!! LOVE LOVE!!!

BLAHHHH

2009-03-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

So this evening I was cleaning up dinner and Tomas brought home Chicken Fingers from work... (which by the way are so good) and anyways, of course I eat fries and Chicken Fingers with Ketchup and I always Squirt to much out of the bottle and tons goes to waste and I tell myself "JAYCI STOP WASTING ALL THIS KETCHUP, THEN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY LEFT WHEN YOU REALLY WANT IT" and I started crying at the sink watching the ketchup go down the drain!!!!!!!
I am not handling this well at all! Try as I may! And lately I feel that with Tomas I am giving him things just so I can take them away from him, maybe hurt him somehow! I am not sure why this is happening... I've become incredibly selfish with making sure my needs are met and things go smoothly for me! I am losing it a tad! And The one I should be holding on too, is the one I am pushing away and I can't figure it out!

FREAK I LOVE TOMAS!!!! OKAY I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT!!! I AM IN LOVE WITH EVERY PART OF THAT BOY!

But here I am pushing THAT BOY to his breaking point! WHY! WHY! WHY!

I tell myself "BE HAPPY" I have lots of good things going look for the positive but I can't sometimes.

Its been a roller coaster lately so happy, connect with him in every way possible.
And then the next day its Hell for both of us.

Blah I can't seem to get it together sometimes.....

Meh!

HALF MY HEART IS GOING TO AFGHANISTAN!

2009-03-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

Part of me has known this was going to happen to us one more time, but the longer the army delayed and delayed and all the high alerts, and then NOTHING. Kinda messed with my head... I really got in there that he wouldn't be going. But on Saturday they dropped the Bomb! He has got his orders and will be deploying, the date isn't final so it could change but only by a few weeks! 18 MONTH TOUR!!

Now I keep telling myself Jayce don't have a pity party for yourself, look for the good and get a support system! But its so hard, I know those long days are coming around 5:00 and then hearing the keys jingle on the door and then Tomas is home and that wave of, not sure if I can describe it but all you wives and mothers know exactly what I am talking about!! That is not going to be there for over a year and a half!!! So many people have done this and with more on there plate than me! But there not me, and I am scared too death to take care of the girls all by myself!! I don't like being alone!

Tomas is having a hard time leaving this time too, mostly because of Reese and Halle, when he starts talking about not being able too see them everyday tears come to the eyes and we have too change the subject! He gets so worried they will forget about him! I'm like Tomas they know exactly who you are! Luckily Technology has come a long ways. He can send them video from you tube every night telling them good night and we have the web cam and the girls will be able to communicate and see there dad!!

Now another thing... I KNOW I KNOW I SAID I WOULD NEVER DO THIS!!! And I haven't completly decided, but I am not sure if I want the whole world wide web knowing certain things, but this blog is my journal! So going PRIVATE is the logical thing too do! And believe me I hate it, but the last thing I need is people knowing that my husband is leaving and me and the girls will be alone! So really even if I don't know you send me your email!!! And my plans of what I am going to be doing and going!! BLAH THIS REALLY SUCKS!!! Love you all! Thanks already for the support I know I will be getting, and for your prayers and caring thoughts and comments!

HEY GUYS!!! ; )

2009-03-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

So long time no post! Few things happening down here in SlC! And a some Highlates of Late!!!

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At Flemings Restaurant! I am so excited, I am just starting out as a host and hopefully move into being a server and make the big bucks!

Tomas went to this dinner benefit at the Grand America for the Olive Garden with his Director and he ate with Governor Huntsman, I was like so what did you talk about lol, he is all " I invited them over to dinner!!! LOL!!!!

Anyways we've been enjoying the wonderful weather and Salt lake in the Spring!!

It was Robbie's birthday and she is really into road biking now, Got a lot of biking stuff! And then we went up again and had Rice Bowls for lunch and relaxed together!

After Lunch I stopped by to visit little Jake, he has changed so much! His hair, I love the red hair babies...

Cutie little Nixon, love the Red hair!

And then me and Kristina did a little house pick up and went and got some Jamba's!

And last night Me and Jules went at Midnight and bought Twilight!!! I am excited to see some New Moon stuff come out!

But things are good at the Chino Homefront!!! Well most of the time! FOR THE LOVE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

2009-03-06T09:12:00.000-08:00

HELL FREE GORDAN DOG!!!
Swoop I am literally going to have to kill you myself this morning and enjoy it!!
Oh buy a Dog Kennel you say, 300 SMACKAROOS!! "YA IN YOUR BRA" If I can afford to buy a doggie kennel for that much, you better believe its going to spent elsewhere! Pets Mart I am going to kill you as well! "GD wading pool" CRISIS AT THE CHINOS GUYS!! FOR THE FREAKING LOVE! ANIMALS SHMANIMALS!!!!

Oh and Ps here is what happens if I get really mad!!! LOl

Ya so sad little sweet Halle ate it in the tub yesterday under the watchful eye of both her parents! We can kiss parents of the year BYE BYE! lol And the winners I'd like to meet then and ask what kind of prescription of Zanex they are on and what milligrams!

Ya guys I am on one this morning!!! Just that damn damn damn dog!!!

And you know what lets just throw "T" out as well! "YA WELL HE GETS THE OTHER ONE ALL RILED UP"

But to make this post end happily! "HERE IS ONE FOR THE GRANDPARENTS!!! ;)

Son of a Bitchin dog!! lol (sorry couldn't help it) I can't yell it out at the moment!!

TOOTHBRUSH!!!!

2009-03-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

So anyone who knows me and Tomas knows how we have almost the exact personality's...
Red to the T!!! We are almost always right ;) and sometimes instead of listening we just can't wait to one up the other with another comment!! We have learned alot in our 4 years of marriage, but still have our hold ups and I think we always will, the key is trying to make the other happy, make each other right instead of wrong!!! Step back and see things the way they see things! Of course easier said then done! But I've said it before I married a Great Man, who last night said "Jayci, I will do anything to make you happy whatever I need to do I will do it!" I am a tough cookie, not the easiest person to love! But somehow in all the craziness I found someone who gets me and loves me for me! And that makes me love him more than I ever thought I could love someone!!! Life is so hard at times and having your spouse to lean on is one of the greatest things this life has too offer!!!! I was putting our toothbrushes away today, Reese always seems to find her's and Halle's and plays with them, I went and put them away and Tomas's toothbrush was no where to be found and I put the toothbrushes away and I was staring at them, mine and the girls without Tomas's toothbrush with ours and in that moment I was touched, I can't really explain it, just kinda hit me, How much I love Tomas!!! And how I always want his Toothbrush next too mine! I know this is a weird thing to blog about but I want to always remember that moment! Standing in my bathroom staring at a empty toothbrush holder and feeling a warmth underneath everything that love is a powerful thing!!! Thats all :) Night

CRAZY FEBRUARY!

2009-02-26T08:57:00.000-08:00

Wow what a Whirlwind week for the Chinos.. We had so much fun, here are some HIGHLIGHTS!!

CELINE CONCERT... WOW AMAZING!!! She is such a performer, chic, hip, funny, classy!!! I loved her outfits and Her body is UNREAL! She has such a profound voice. Even Tomas even enjoyed it!" Hey Tay I borrowed a Few pics ;)"

And we celebrated Halle's B day with my family, opening presents and hanging out before the concert!Kenzie didn't go to the concert she stopped by to give Halle a present, she works on a mountain for a week!!!
Of course Reese already deciding how to play with Halle's toys..
Grammie and Halle!

4 years baby!!! Who would have thought it!!!
Tomas had Strep throat in the morning, and I got sick at night! But we both took care of each other! So lucky that Tomas is mine! If I could Share a movie Quote lol Big surprise there!!! But it really is our Relationship!

"Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday! Love you Babe!

We went to the Melting Pot and then came home and got too sleep in!!! Big thing Sleeping in around here! ;)

But Halle's Birthday was the next day!!! If we ever want to celebrate our anniversary in style, like going somewhere for the weeked or something it will have to be before or after little Miss Halle Jay's B day! Oh my word she was in such a good mood! Even after the ear piercing!!! We love you Hal!!!!
Ya I decorated them so sad!!! LoL Hell I tried!

Getting Ready to go to the Mall with daddy!
Trying to sneek some cupcakes ;)
YAY!!!
When we were in the mall she was all smiles Until Da Da Daaaaaa!!!
Wow look at all this pretty jewelry dad, its pretty and shiny.... Hmmm something is going to happen isn't it! I can feel it dadio!!
Grammie and Reese looking on!!!
"Ummm Umm mam what the heck are you doing"?"WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO THAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME"!!!
"Yes yes Candy makes everything all better"!
Mom and Reese getting the Scotcharoos ready
Hey Hey!
Reese did really well letting it be Halle's Day!!!
I love these things!!!

A little Decor!
Opening some Presents..
"We've got Presents" ;)
Some cute bows!
Eating her Birthday Cupcake!
Everyone singing!!

Family just Partying!!! :)

We had a great time this Week! It will be one to look forward too in futures too come!!!

IF YOU KNOW. HAVE KNOWN JAYCI. CLICK HERE

2009-02-15T14:00:00.000-08:00

PICTURE EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!

So I was cleaning up our storage room and found a ton of pictures. Of High school, Good ole O town and the Duplex, and Working at the pool, Hawaii, and Logan!!! So I scanned all those buggers and I am posting them now! AND BELIEVE ME ITS A HOOT! Now if there is a picture of you that you are not comfortable with being posted on the world wide web just let me know and I will Remove it!! Enjoy Fellow Brighamits!

BOX ELDER HIGH SCHOOL! ;)

O TOWN HOLLA!!!! GOTTA LOVE THE DUPLEX!

ALOHA!!!!

L TOWN BABY!

So Ya that took sometime, But if the kids are down and the Hubby is at work till freaking midnight! Then I think you should dig up some old pictures and share!!! ITS FUN! However make sure the house is clean BEFORE HE GETS HOME!!! LOL :)

I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine!

2009-02-13T18:19:00.000-08:00

I JUST WANTED TO GIVE A SHOUT OUT TO MY VALENTINE.... I LOVE YOU TOMAS!

I have had this quote for years... Been on my wall since college! And My LIGHTING STRUCK!

MUAH!!!

I NEEDED YA.
I GOT YA.
I'M KEEPING YA.
I LOVE YA.

Ya Tomas had kinda blown me off and I text'd him and told him that I didn't want to see him again! A few choice other words were exchanged! ;) But then his Grandma Died the next morning I felt like the bigggest Brat ever!

We were still kinda on the fence at this point if we wanted to really start dating!

Tomas is always up for a good time!

I could not ask for a better dad! Tomas Loves Reese and Halle so much! They will find great husbands because of the way Tomas treats them!
!

Again always up for a good time

Tomas no matter his choices in life will always believe in the LDS CHURCH! No matter what!

Tomas just coming up to L Town for some Ass! ;)

Ah True love!

He's not this Preppy guy thank heavens but man he can pull it off!!!

Tomas would go back to serve this Country when they need him AGAIN! He has such pride for the USA!

Ah the newlyweds with out babies and in our first little apartment!

Leave you with a little Tomas too make ya smile!

SWOOP THERE IT IS!

2009-02-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

So I know that I say I have a love relationship with that DAMN DOG! That was her name yesterday ;), but today after doing some dishes LOL jk DISHES who am I trying to fool! I was watching the City! Oh man... Anyways the girls were being very quiet and quiet is always a sign with Kids OKAY SOMETHING IS UP!!! So I got up and found this!

Yep that's a Black marker that Reese is practicing her new art work on Swoop. And Halle is using her as a climbing device. And Swoop just sits there and lets them play! She really is such a great dog! You can tell she loves the Girls!! Love ya Swoop "today" lol!

Tomas had a poker party the other night, it was fun but Freezing even with a Heater in there (thanks Dad)! But Dan is Deploying at the end of the month so it was nice to see him and his wife Alisha! WE love you Dan Good Luck!

BREAKIN IN THE NEW TABLE!

2009-02-08T20:32:00.000-08:00

So me and Tomas got a new table with some of our Tax Returns woo woo! :) We have had the same table and chairs for almost 4 years, and they are on there last legs, literally! So what better to do than have " A DINNER PAARRTAY! I made a pot roast and dinner was great! We had a blast!

Me, Keira and Shantel! :)

Keira and Reese sharing shoes!

Just chattin and Relaxin!

So either the roast made them tired because they were both so full, or my parties are a tad boring!!! Ya the first ;)

So we had to spice things up a tad! We were laughing at how married people sit where ever, and couples that are dating sit and cuddle and smooch and can't let each other go!

Halle turned in a bit early, and we had such a great time. Thanks for coming guys! Fondue next, Holla Holla!

HURT!

2009-02-06T10:14:00.000-08:00

One nice thing about a blog is its a place to vent! I'm not going to go into any specifics either. But Today I was hurt. The Funny thing is I should be use to this kind of hurt, I've dealt with it my whole life. It doesn't continue to surprise me, when things like this happen, what continues to surprise me is that it still hurts like a slap across the face! I don't care how many excuses they could come up with or how they somehow turn it back on me like its my fault, or I'm having a pity party. But AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I don't want to care anymore. And I can't stop that tingle in my nose, moving up to my eyes and then they start to swim! I can only control me. Choose how to react, so on my face that fake calm Facade, but inside I'M SCREAMING WHY!

BIG PIMPIN'

2009-02-04T07:20:00.001-08:00

WE GOT A CAR!!!
And sorry to pat myself on the back. I have to. Why? Because this is a very smart Financial move for the Chino's. After much thought we decided that we just were not ready for a car payment. So my Baby Blue Range Rover or White Land Rover or Red Hybrid Highlander will have to wait! We bought a sexy black FORD TAURUS! LOL and we love it. Having a car has put us in the best mood, we are all smiles over here. So we can finally hang out and actually go places. HOORAY! ;)

100 things.... HERE WE GO!

2009-01-30T18:53:00.000-08:00

1.I am addicted to q-tips, gotta have them! I will literally use a toothpick and toilet paper if I can't find one.
2.I told Tomas that I loved him First.
3.I love music, I get chills listening to certain songs.
4.I am constantly quoting movies.
5.I have to fall asleep to tv. And its usually the same show over and over, Dan in real life for over 3 months. EVERY NIGHT
6.I have have to sleep with my pillow and body pillow. It drives Tomas nuts!
7.I have been on anti depression medication for 3 months now.
8.I Love Bread! Taking off the crust and putting it into a wad and then eating it!
9.I want to get a Breast Lift, and augmentation.
10.I love InStyle magazine.
11.I am scared that Tomas may cheat on me, I always check his text's. He hates it but puts up with me.
12.I don't need the Temple in my life anymore.
13. You shouldn't learn from others mistakes, your not them. Let your hand get burned on that stove then you know for yourself its HOT!
14.I have the wierdest nose, I can bend it every which way. In half even
15. I love dirty Novels...
16. I broke 5 records in High School for swimming, 3 are still there one is now over ten years old.
17. I cheated all through High School. My girls will need a tutor down the road with homework.
18. Channa got me addicted to toast with Peanut Butter and sugar on it.
19.I love Eminem, his music is unreal.
20.I broke my arm while riding my bike taking Jason Holland home.
21.I had to write 500 sentences in 5th grade, saying I will not chew gum or candy in Mrs. Harpers class.
22.My first time drinking was on my 21st birthday.
23.I was sitting talking with Jen about wanting to get away from everything, and 5 days later I moved to Hawaii.
24.I read Pinkalicious to Halle every night before she goes to bed.
25.I tripped and broke Reese's femur bone. She had to have a cast.
26.In junior high I got locked in the girls locker room, in a LOCKER! LITERALLY.
27.I have been called on stage in assembly's with magicians several times. 2nd grade, 7th, grade and 11th grade.
28.I totaled my first car.
29.I joined the track team because of Dan Richards, Nate Taylor, and Derrick Lee. LOL
30.When we found out Tomas was getting deployed and had to get married within the next 2 weeks we had sex!
31.I got baptized at Crystal Springs.
32.My first job was at Crystal Springs.
33.I hate strawberry flavoring anything, but I life Strawberries.
34.Every house I lived in at college there was 6 or more girls.
35.I lie about stupid stuff, that doesn't even matter.
36.I've never gone past 1 day without seeing Reese and Halle.
37.I could eat pizza every night.
38.I bite my nails and stick the nail through my front teeth, such a bizarre habit
39.I've seen a Porno and it was awful!!
40.Me and Tomas's first kiss was on Christmas.
41.I am allergic to cheap jewelry.
42.My dad got full custody of me as a baby, after my parents divorce.
43.I could watch tv all day long.
44. I need a nap during the day, its been awhile since I've had that.
45.The last 3 times I have rode a horse I have been Bucked the HEll off!
46.My tongue is allergic to tons of things it swells up all the time, ya I keep eating those things anyways.
47.I had horrible postpartum depression after Halle.
48.I haven't had a car for over 4 months now, walking is getting so old!
49.I've been punched in the face by some huge Tongan Chic at a club. Fell right to the floor.
50.I always tip over 35%
51.I don't want another child for 5 more years.
52.I think I can be 75% Mormon.
53. I've saved several children from Drowning at the Brigham outdoor pool.
54. I sleep talk like a crazy person, I wake up screaming thinking bugs are crawling all over me, Tomas is getting use to it and either ignores me or has to get me to lay back down because I am standing on our bed banging a pillow against the wall trying to kill the bugs.
55.I've wished I was a Vampire...
56.I wish I was a better mother
57.If someone offered me some kind of drug to lose weight I would take it :) sorry chan.. lol
58.I love learning about wine.
59.I have some of the best friends anyone has ever had!
60.Sometimes I wish I was 18 again, knowing what I know now.
61.I slept on the couch almost every night in the duplex, because it smelled like this boy, and I just got use too it.
62.My Grandpa is really sick and will probably die this year and it will be a first for me. All of My Grandparents are alive, family, extended family, I've never really experienced death first hand.
63.I saw Twilight 3 times in the theaters.
64.I would love to live in a Big City.
65.Me and Tomas love Disney movies.
66.Reese is my Best Friend.
67.I love going 80's dancing.
68.I got mastitis this year and its the worst pain I have felt so far in my life.
69.We have lived in our house for over a year and still don't have blinds.
70.I have no Credit Card debt. :)
71.I've never needed braces and my teeth are super straight.
72.I hate my moles and will remove them when I have the money. Not on my face though.
73.Me and Tomas haven't been on a vacation together just us yet.
74.I swear to much.
75.My Friends worry about me with the whole church situation.
76.I don't want Jules Vern to move back to Oregon.
77.I can beat Tomas at Racquetball just not Channa.
78.I boxed in the Street with Marci Stuart in High School, and the cops came lol.
79.I will go on vacation to Turtle Island! That's in Fiji!!
80.I don't think there are accidents, things happen for Reasons.
81.I wish Tomas was out of the Army.
82.Reese's first word was Mom.
83.Halle's first word was Dad.
84.I am so glad I will not be Pregnant for the Summer.
85.I wish we had music in our lives playing, like on the Hills. Sad music plays when we are sad or mad, happy upbeat music when we are happy.. Ya know!! LOL
86.I wish my mother in law would do lunch with me sometimes.
87.If Tomas dies I will not get remarried.
88.I've held Reese in my arms and cried till I fell asleep with her in my arms.
89.I wasn't afraid of Heights till after I had children.
90.I miss Driving with my music Blaring!!
91. Tomas worries more about the girls doing things like sledding and climbing things, than I do.
92.If I won the Lottery, I would pay for all my closest friends and family to go on some exotic vacation.
93.I want my girls to have beautiful weddings.
94.I want to go back to college.
95.IF me and Tomas died today I would want Reese and Halle to go live with Gabe and Kish.
96.I love Vegetarian Vegetable Cambells soup.
97.I still have my Christmas tree up! So lame I know
98.Umm I am sick of typing lol
99. I wish Tomas was Home I hate that he works such a crazy schedule. Sometimes up at four for a shift and sometimes home at 2 after a shift! IT sucks
100.I'd rather try and Fail, then not try at all!

Wow! Thats a long won!! BUt I did it hooray!!!

2 going on 20!!

2009-01-29T08:40:00.000-08:00

So Reese is obsessed with getting ready when I get ready, she loves to shower with me and fake shave her legs and wash her body, she HAS to use the Lufa.. And So I decided to do her hair straight its super curly and I just wanted to do it for her since she wouldn't stop whining "Mommy my hair, my hair" and when I was done straightening it I was a little shocked at how long its gotten! And how much older she is looking. Where is my Baby? I really think I am done with 2! Maybe one more when they are in school, so at least 5 years too go, and as happy as I am to watch her learn and grow, that maternal gene kicks in and I want the little nine pounder to cuddle and snuggle! :) The only time I get to hold Halle now like a baby is when I get her out of the bath, I swaddle her up in the towel and she lets me hold her like that for awhile and I do. I hold her and walk around for a while just rocking her and snuggling her! I do miss that!

ALMOST FOUR YEARS!!!

2009-01-25T10:41:00.000-08:00

So I knew our 4 year anniversary was coming up in February. But until my Friend Lille sent me these pictures it hadn't clicked that its been 4 years... Who Knew LOL! This past year has been the Fastest year of my life I think, it just Flew by, I mean Halle is going to be 1 next month too. NUTSO! It really seems like yesterday up in Logan Tomas asking if I wanted to go for a walk... And now 2 beautiful girls later here we are! Still learning and growing together.

Also My hair is ROCKSTAR blonde right now! Its weird too see us both with Jet Black Hair! And that Skinny! Blah I never thought (K I am skinny) but I look at these pictures and I would give anything to be that small.. okay okay not anything because I still can't give up coke, chips, pizza! Blah I love food!!!!

HE'SJUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!! MAKING MRS. CHINO FREAK!

2009-01-22T11:16:00.000-08:00

Okay this book came out before I was married and Tomas was pretty in to me lol so I never really read the book but heard alot about it and its written by the guy who wrote Sex and the City so of course it will be full of witty endless banter. But the movie is coming out in Feb and its got a STUNNER CAST so of course I was excited too see it. But re watching the previews its starting to scare the shit out of me a tad!!! Why you question, Because one of the main plots is about a girl who falls for a Married Man, and We get too see alot from her head, and she says " Am I just suppose to let love go" OKay she is really falling for this married guy, who was just nice to her in a grocery store letting her go ahead with her one item! THAT WAS IT!!! Blah! So it got me thinking what if the love of your life was MARRIED!!! Would you keep pursuing it until the man either Told you too get lost, or left his wife? Us Married women have lost a bit of the sparkle we once had, I mean they got us, the chase is up! And I know that coming home to a wife in sweats running after kids all day is not sexy! And most of you Happily Married Women traded in your Victoria Secrets for Garments, again they are not sexy! LOl And don't let the Hubbies try and fool you by saying they are! ;) So anyways back to my point! I told Tomas I was Scared too death that some girl may come along and be super sexy and intriguing and new and she may get too know you whether from work, the gym, chance meeting at a supermarket when your nice husband lets a cute girl go first! Oh Hell!! And she may fall in love with you, Tell you she is your soul mate, She knows you are married but yet she still will not back off, AT LEAST THIS IS HOW THE MOVIE IS GOING. You've seen it Scarlett Johannsen gets Buck Naked in front of him and jumps in a pool. There are girls out there I think with great morals, but just think that they found the loves of there life even if they are married? I just hope this movie doesn't lead girls or the public in General to think that Married Men can still be your SoulMate! If that's how it ends then it makes me very sad to think some girl out there would try and Break the Relationship that Me and Tomas fought very hard for, Through Pregnancy, being broke and sick! Because Tomas is a cute, fun, nice guy! I mean he is going to be around single attractive girls for the rest of our lives, I can't keep them all away, believe me I have tried! LoL Anyways sorry for venting, I just get a pit in my stomach every time I see that preview! What do you guys think? Is it okay for Married Men to have women for Friends? What can us Wives do too bring some magic back? Would you left your husband go if some other girl fell in love with him? Blah

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2009-01-21T14:09:00.000-08:00

PUT US DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!